You're Having a Baby...Good For You?

 No quote today. My head hurt even thinking about this...

A COVID Conversation I'd Like To Have...

Karen: Have you gotten your COVID shot yet?

Me: No, but I identify as a vaccinated person.

Karen: What does that mean?

Me: It means I am a vaccinated person trapped inside an unvaccinated body.

Karen: That doesn't make sense!

Me: Don't you deny my truth! That's oppression! This space is supposed to be free of vaccine-ism.

Karen: But that's crazy...There's no such thing as vaccine-ism.

Me: Yes there is. That attitude of yours is a manifestation of Vaccine Supremacy, in fact.

Karen: What do you mean?

Me: Please stop calling me "You". Please use my preferred pronoun.

Karen: What's that?

Me: I prefer to be called "Vaccinaro" or "Vaccinari". Unless I'm also identifying as female that day, in which case the acceptable pronouns are "Vaccinara" and "Vaccinaria". You are also required, because "safety" and "diversity", to suspend your version of objective reality to accept my subjective version. Otherwise, you're my enemy.

Karen: Those aren't even real words! How can I ignore reality?

Me: Where do you work?

Karen: Why do you want to know?

Me: Because you're not validating my lived experience and refusing to use my stated, preferred pronouns. This gives me the right to call your boss and have you fired, and if I can get three people on Twitter to agree with me that's the beginning of a lawsuit. I'll ruin you, you Science Denier!

Karen: What Science?

Me: The Science that says I can be a Vaccinaro trapped inside a Non-Vaccinaro body. We Vaccinaro are a hated and oppressed minority, having to share the world with you filthy, elitist, colonialist Vaccinated. If I get 10 more likes on my Instagram and enough Chinese grant money the medical profession will put a page in the DSM-V just for us and the government will have to give us all sorts of benefits you oppressive Vaccinated can't have because Equity.

Karen: That has nothing to do with Science. Or Vaccinations.

Me: You're dangerously close to me gathering the other Vaccinari together to have a peaceful protest with bricks and Molotovs on your front lawn, Karen.

Karen: I'll just call the cops.

Me: You can't...you had them defunded.

Karen: All I asked is if you're vaccinated! Do we really have to have this argument?

Me: The question was offensive.

Karen: How was it offensive?

Me: See? You don't even know! Unconscious bias, that is! I swear I...just...can't...even...

Karen: I didn't mean to offend you. All I did was ask a question.

Me: You have no right to question me! I'm an oppressed minority. What's next? You going to gun me down in the street?

Karen: I wouldn't do that! I hate guns.

Me: So, you're a Gun-o-phobe, too? I love guns, so if you hate them then you must have a mental disorder called a "phobia". Everyone knows that. Anything I like that you hate indicates you're insane and a hater. Don't yuck my yum, Fash.

Karen: Fash?

Me: Fascist.

Karen; I just wanted to know if it was safe to be around you...erm...I mean Vaccinaro...I don't want to get sick.

Me: Oh, so only people who haven't had the shot can spread COVID? We're all diseased, is that what you're saying? Your biases are showing! You're a bigot! You FASCIST!

Karen: I am NOT a Fascist! 

Me: Yes you are! You said only Vaccinari can give you COVID. You can catch it off a lamppost or a public toilet seat, you know.

Karen: No you can't!

Me: Yes you can! Dr. Fauci said so on MSNBC and he and they always tell the truth. Until either of them changes their minds without warning in which case whatever they say today that contradicts whatever they said yesterday is now the truth, and again, you are obliged to believe it because shut up.

Karen: I will not shut up. I have the right of Free Speech.

Me: I have unilaterally declared that your words are violence, Hate Speech, in fact, therefore,  I have also unilaterally decided you cannot have Free Speech. Only oppressed Vaccinari can have Free Speech, because of the Legacy of COVID.

Karen: You're out of your mind; do you know that?

Me: Now you know how it feels, Snowflake.

A Nation of Damaged Navel Gazers...

"America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. It was founded so we could all damned well be anything we pleased..." -- P.J. O'Rourke

When You Even Get Revisionist History Wrong...

"Who controls the past controls the future; Who controls the present controls the past" -- George Orwell, "1984"

A Majority of One (Prevalence of Insanity Edition)

"You're all genetically defective, I tell you..." -- The Overlord

Destructive Narcissistic Paternalism

"If drunk with sight of power, we loose

Wild tongues that have not thee in awe,
Such boastings as Gentiles use,
Or lesser breeds without The Law,
Lord God of Hosts, be with Us yet,
Lest we forget -- lest We forget!"

-- "Recessional", Rudyard Kipling

A History Lesson: Fascism....

"The word Fascism has now no meaning except insofar as it signifies 'something not desirable'" -- "Politics and The English Language", George Orwell

You've Spelled "White Superiority" Incorrectly...

"Racism does not have a good track record. It's been tried out for a long time and you'd think by now we'd want to put an end to it instead of putting it under New Management." -- Thomas Sowell

Impotent Passive-Aggressive Crazy Rage...

"'And everybody praised the Duke
Who this great fight did win
"But what good of it came at last?"
Quoth little Peterkin
'Why that I cannot tell', said he,
'But t'was a famous victory'"

--- "After Blenheim", Robert Southey

"Presidential" This...

"When the debate is lost slander becomes the tool of the losers..." -- Socrates

Some Safety Tips for "The Resistance".

"Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated." - George Bernard Shaw

Great Moments in Dumbfuck ("But...I, like, Went to College" Edition)

"There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'" -- Isaac Asimov

Great Moments in Dumbfuck (March For Our Lives Edition)

“This planet is largely inhabited by parrots, and it is easy to disguise folly by giving it a fine name.” A.E. Housman

You All Suck (Exhibit #18 - The Collective in the Age of Narcissism)

“I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.”  - William F. Buckley

A Majority of One (I Guess I won't Be Eating Here Again)

"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, and the stupid ones are full of confidence..." -- Charles Bukowski

You All Suck (Example #15 - It’s All in The Marketing…)

Patriot (noun)

1. a person who loves, supports, and defends his or her country and its interests with devotion.

2. a person who regards himself or herself as a defender, especially of individual rights, against presumed interference by the federal government.

Douchebag of the Week (Week Ending 11/18/2017): The American Public...

It would appear as if the greatest existential threat that faces America does not come from North Korean nuclear weapons, the specter of Islamofascist terrorism, or even the phony horrors of a supposedly-overheated planet; rather, our Doom originates in the special brand of Industrial-Strength Fucking Stupid we have been churning out in assembly-line fashion for the last six decades.

When I finally achieve power over Space, Time, Matter and Energy, a lot of you are going to be contemplating a future in which you might end up as a desiccated, powdery substance I've sold off to the highest bidder for use as an additive to kitty litter.

You All Suck (Exhibit #14 - Erection Day)

The Overlord has been ill, but having just defied doctor's orders and wolfed down a luncheon of three tacos with extra jalapenos, extra salsa verde, washed down with a Pepsi and two chain-smoked Marlboros, is ready to tell you uncomfortable truths about the disgusting species of animal known as "Mankind". Enjoy...

Statues and Stoners, Scumbags and Scalawags, and A New Strategy

Hanlon’s Razor: Don’t assume malice when stupidity explains it…

Notes on Charlottesville

Someone should have reminded the Left; there's an old adage about being very careful what you ask for...