Friday, October 19, 2018

You All Suck (Example #26 - Coincidences)

"It is no great wonder if in long process of time, while fortune takes her course hither and thither, numerous coincidences should spontaneously occur. If the number and subjects to be wrought upon be infinite, it is all the more easy for fortune, with such an abundance of material, to effect this similarity of results. Or, if on the other hand, events are limited to the combinations of some finite number, then of necessity, the same must reoccur, and in the same sequence."  -- Plutarch, Plutarch's Lives (Volume 2)

Just noticing a few things that seem awfully coincidental:

1. John McCain dies and Lindsey Graham finds his spine and testes. John McCain shuffles off this mortal coil and suddenly Mitch McConnell morphs into an effective leader.

It would appear that we now know what the major problem with the Senate GOP has been for the past two decades.

John Fucking McCain.

It had to have been. There is no other explanation.

Using Plutarch's dictum above, this also explains the douchebaggery of one Senator Jeff Flake. Think about it: another Senator from Arizona, who doesn't play nicely with others, who won't hustle for the team, obsessed with the idea of bi-partisanship in a political climate in which the other partisan has no intention of ever being bi- (except maybe in their sex lives). There's just too many similarities to dismiss out of hand.

Coincidences? I think not.

I do hate to speak ill of the dead, considering they can't defend themselves, but I do hope there is an especially hot place reserved for the late Senator in the Netherworld, and if that cannot be arranged, I should like to think he has been sentenced to an eternity riding shotgun with a drunken Ted Kennedy, cursed in Sisyphean fashion to eternally repeat the old "Oh, Shit! When did they put a bridge here?" game.

It should make the Hanoi Hilton look like Disneyland.

(If you don't know who Sisyphus or Ted Kennedy were, what any of this has to do with a bridge and eternal damnation, then I suggest you read a book).

2. Elizabeth Warren fails a DNA test and I haven't heard the phrase "White Privilege" all week, because this begs the question "If White Privilege exists, why did Elizabeth Warren need to lie about being an Indian?"

Ah, and therein lie the co-inky-dink.

To answer the question is to expose the whole Privilege thing for the farce that it is.

3. Twitter/YouTube/Facebook suddenly have concerns about "fake news" and "manipulating platforms" 19 days before an election and several tens or hundreds of thousands of accounts mysteriously disappear. Curiously, they all (or almost all) tend to express one particular political inclination, while my Twitter feed remains cluttered by "volunteers" (i.e. bots. Why is this not "platform manipulation"?) sending me messages that exhort me to vote for the party of dumbass, my Facebook feeds are full of "friends" complaining their posts have been removed without explanation, and YouTube uncharacteristically had issues trying to retrieve my favorite hockey fight or drum instruction videos for the massive purge taking 3:30 a.m. on a Tuesday morning.

Make fun of liberals by referring to them, in gaming terms, as "NPC's" (non-player characters, that is, characters included in a video game who are there strictly for atmosphere and interaction limited by their programming), and Twitter suddenly finds you beyond the pale and ripe for censorship.

Post memes that make democrats look as obnoxiously stupid as they truly are, and Facebook's Sliding Scale of Ever-Shifting Community Standards kicks in, and some People's Commissar in a cubicle in The People's Republic Of Mexifornia yanks it because it's his mother's birthday.

Look for a recorded lecture given by a noted conservative speaker and find it suddenly Memory Holed by YouTube with no explanation given, at all.

Censors are driven to their activity by that which they fear. When content disappears in the days before an election , you discover just what it is that someone fears.

Coincidence? You be the judge.

4. I have discovered a heretofore, I believe, unknown political principle:

More Vaginas equals Losing Candidates.

I seriously hope some political scientist studies this phenomenon, someday, and proves me correct.

One month ago, all the professional Flapping Rectum Class...excuse me, Political "Strategists", pollsters, "consultants" and TV Talking Assholes... were busy telling me that the "generic" ballot favored democrats by a large margin, and a "Blue Wave" was upon us, a tsunami of Communism that seemed set to inundate the shores of Washington, D.C., and exterminate every republican within 1,000 miles of the place.

And then the vaginas showed up. En mass.

The attempt to frame a man for a sexual assault, which morphed into a rape, which then advanced to become a drug-pushing rape gang, which finally ended in a Rogues Gallery of unbelievable females who couldn't keep their stories straight and who wouldn't testify except on their own terms in violation of the ideal of Due Process, only to discover none of them had anything to testify about to begin with, and sketchy pasts of their own -- even the alleged victim! -- was driven entirely by the dysfunctional processes spawned by The Vagina.

And they were accompanied by phalanxes of other hellions adorned with Pussy Hats, all performing a ventriloquist's act that would have made Jeff Dunham envious, because, apparently, they all could make their Ladyparts emit blood-curdling screams.

This display of witchcraft (speaking of witchcraft, the whole thing had an air of Salem attached to it, didn't it?) was supposed to be taken seriously, and as legitimate political discourse, and Buddy, if you didn't, then you were in for it!

Because the skirmishers in Pussy Hats and the Screaming Vulvas were backed up by the Heavy Artillery of Passive-Aggressive Hallway stalkers and Restaurant Harassers; the tactical air support of heart-rending tales in newspapers wherein incredibly woke 5 year olds ask Mommy if the Bad Man will keep her from getting an abortion when she wants one; the Strosstruppen Sisterhood of unhinged mental patients scratching at the Supreme Court doors; and then the equivalent of the H-bomb was deployed.

Three of the oldest and driest vaginas known to medical science -- Diane Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Joy Behar -- all warning that they would consider the Supreme Court "illegitimate".

And then the polls all started heading the other way.

Coincidence? I think not.

And thus is born the Overlord's Iron Law of Furious Furburgers: the greater the number of truly stupid, truly delirious women obsessed with their vaginas to the exclusion of all other considerations -- like avoiding the embarrassment of publicly displaying your dumbass for the entire planet to see, of showing yourselves to be prone to nuclear-weapon-level explosions of raw emotion centered upon and emanating from your Ladygarden -- you have on your side, the more elections you will lose.

Especially when they behave this way ON TELEVISION.

It wasn't attractive when Hillary did it (is STILL doing it); it is infinitely less so when the performance is repeated by several thousand other women even Bill Clinton wouldn't fuck, either.

5. That Russian Collusion Robert Mueller keeps looking for and never seems to find. Mueller announced today that he will present his findings AFTER the mid-term elections, which is a strong indication that he has squaduch. Which is Italian for "fuck all".

If Mueller had anything he would have been before the TV cameras nine seconds later. The delay is telling.

Coincidence? I think not.

Some housekeeping notes: I appreciate the FB likes and shares! Really do. Keep them coming. I would also implore you, My Minions, to spread the Gospel of the Galactic Overlord to all of your family, friends, and people you really dislike. The statmeter has had an upward trend , as of late, and I kind of like it. Thank you.

I will soon, I hope, be cross-linking with some more-popular blogs in the coming days. I'm working behind the scenes to engage in some cross-promotion with other bloggers that I have worked with before and some that I haven't. With any luck, I might start making some Marlboro money off this thing, although should The Overlord have to still get up for work every morning, that's cool, too.

The Podcast Update: Very feasible. Very do-able. Working on some economics and some formats. Suggestions are welcome: just drop a line at the e-mail address on the banner page to have your voice heard.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Matt, you nailed it. No coincidence at all. I wondered what spell or dirt McCain had on Lindsey. The rest is compliments of Soros, Hillary and Obama's money. Everyone is paid to act like morons. They are acting in pure desperation. The more they act up, the more Republicans plan to vote. I'm loving it.