"Sometimes, the sperm that swims in circles gets lucky, and catches the egg with a dent in it..." -- The Overlord
This particular post office was constructed circa 1956. This was an era when automobiles shared several characteristics: they were large, roomy, and invariably had "bullet bumpers", front and rear, with protrusions sticking out at least 10" from the vehicle, and long, often very wide, tail fins. This meant that the parking spaces in the lot should have been big enough to handle a 4,000 pound vehicle that was probably a good 9' long and perhaps almost 6' wide, given the dimensions of the cars of the day, and left sufficient space behind each vehicle to allow easy egress from any individual spot.
Fast-forward to 2019, and even spots that large are insufficient to handle the over-sized, rolling Daycare Center of Death, and the Urban Poser, an over-sized pickup truck serving as a substitute penis for a suburban accountant who has never worked construction, nay, has never done a job that threatened to put a callous upon his hands, in all of his life.
And so it was that I came upon a curious sight after standing in line for nearly 30 minutes at the Post Office (because while there may be 10 service windows there never seems to be more than two people working behind them. Perhaps this is a reason why the Post Office continues to lose billions each year while still maintaining a monopoly on First Class mail?).
As I walk into the lot to get to my own parked vehicle I hear a rather loud crunching sound, followed by the unholy squeal of metal scraping against metal. And there it was: something I had predicted would happen for many years, but which I had almost given up hope of ever seeing in my lifetime.
A rather tall, lanky, almost-anorexic blond, who was so thin she had but only two dimensions -- should she turn sideways, she'd be all but invisible to the naked eye -- had somehow managed to wedge her Yukon between the two pickups parked to either side of her. From what I gather, the space behind her vehicle was short -- another car was parked in another space there -- and she decided to cut her turn very tight, indeed. So tight that she managed to dig the front end into the Ford and the rear end into the Ram, and then couldn't get out of the vehicle.
This is one of those You Know It Will Happen If You Just Live Long Enough Moments.
I have long been a proponent of the idea that perhaps the most-dangerous thing on the road may be a 98-pound chick given the keys to a vehicle she cannot possibly handle. I'm sure the Accountant and the Mortgage Broker the two other vehicles belonged to were probably thinking the same thing, but I found the idea of their Penis Totems being wrecked too sublimely funny, and wet myself, somewhat.
Further on the subject of stupid, there was an article I read today in which the State of Delaware (the speed bump between Jersey and Pennsylvania) has passed a bill that will allow for the euthanasia of the "intellectually disabled".
This may be bad of me, but I wondered if Alexandria Ocascio-Cortez was volunteering to be the first?
Naturally, this bill was passed by democrats. This goes along with the spate of bills they have passed elsewhere to allow abortion to occur right up to live birth, and the bills they've been tossing around calling for the abolition of the death penalty, setting up the curious circumstance in which it is now okay to kill the innocent, but save the guilty.
Save the guilty, that is, if they aren't calling for mass release of those already in prison and then signing them up to vote (democrat, natch).
Of course, the definition "intellectually disabled" is rather vague. By this definition, the average democrat probably qualifies for two lethal injections, at least.
Because democrats are bandwagon riders who love killing people under conditions they favor (like in the womb, and not after, say, committing a double-homicide while being in the country illegally), this wonderful idea will spread across the democratic strongholds from Maine to Monterrey, from St, Paul to Sante Fe faster than Athlete's Foot in a high school locker room.
And I began to wonder what the democratic party platform would look like in 2020:
* Killing babies
* Killing the mentally ill
* Sparing murderers
* Releasing hardened criminals from jail
* Orange Man Bad!
Then I began to have visions of Kamala Harris, Willie Brown's Sidebitch, stumping on the campaign trail telling you how, as a prosecutor, she was tough on crime and sent murderers to jail, only to want to let them out now and excuse one kind of homicide because that gains her votes.
Because Trump.
Sweetheart, you'd best keep sucking cocks; you're not smart enough to pull that one off.
Not only that, but in her efforts to "fight" racism, she invokes racist imagery and stereotypes of her own, as when she said she would decriminalize marijuana, since being half-Jamaican, she likes to smoke some up, too. That's when she isn't listening to hip hop under the influence several years before the artists she claims to love even put any jams down on vinyl. She talks a good game on Reparations for Slavery... until her father reminded her that her family owned slaves.
Speaking of not smart enough to suck dick, there's Robert "Beto" O'Rourke the poster child for rich slacker boys who pretend to be ethnic to avoid getting beaten up at school. A man so vacuous and lacking in wit that mathematicians have had to develop a whole new numeric system to express an IQ lower than negative.
Robert is a prime example of one of the fits of stupidity the Left is often prone to, which is the Cult of Personality.
Except that he doesn't have one.
From what I can figure out, simple soul that I am, what gets Leftist panties all moist about Robert is the very combination of traits that voters rejected when they voted for Donald Trump: good-looking, polished, seemingly cool in that sort of detached way that is supposed to convey "charming eccentricity" but which instead radiates alternating waves of "creepy" and "fucktard", elitist, with a smooth, practiced ability to talk a lot and yet say absolutely nothing, possessed of the trick to appear to be all things to all people and nothing all at once.
Like Barack Obama.
Somehow, this doofus managed to give Ted Cruz a run for his money in the last midterm election. I have tried to figure out he did this, and the only thing I can come up with is "vote fraud" (and there was vote fraud in Texas in the last midterm. People actually went to prison for "harvesting votes"). Because looking back on the speeches, the YouTube campaign videos, the archived news reports, this guy can ride a skateboard but not walk and chew gum at the same time. He is absolutely vapid. Beto has been a failure at everything he's ever done in his life: whether it was a City Councilman, bass player in a punk band, poet, Congresscritter, why, it would seem the only thing he ever did right was to marry up...into money.
Which also makes him just like John Kerry.
If the thought of a white Obama with the intellect of a fake-Hispanic Kerry frightens you, it fucking well should.
The Press, on the other hand, sees this as a resurrection of Camelot....like the Clintons were supposed to be...and then John Edwards...and then the Obamas...
This is, again, indicative of something else I've said for many years: they call themselves "Progressives" but they keep looking backwards, trying to capture a supposed former glory, on the one hand, where Washington was an elegant place and politics the playground of the beautiful and elitist, and on the other, where America is still a nasty place where women are chained to stoves to be beaten and raped daily and slavery never ended.
"Beto" fits the part. Young, photogenic, almost Kennedy-esque, in the physical sense, which evokes a grander past, but true to the conditions and mindset of the Modern Democratic Voter, he can't muster enough intellectual firepower to pull a greasy piece of string out of a whore's ass.
Perhaps he might stand in line for those shots they're giving out in Delaware?
Speaking of Delaware, Joe Biden..Need I say more? He might have been the inspiration for the Government Hot Shot.
Of course, in keeping with being both Progressive and hopelessly mired in the past, there's Bernie Sanders, a throwback to the heady days of Communist Revolution, except that his last platform sounded more like Hitler's National Socialism and he somehow managed to get a third house out of defeat, like a good little greedy capitalist.
Let's not forget Corey Booker, former parasite of New Jersey, who is so stupid he couldn't spell his own name even if you spotted him the first 11 letters...in the proper order. In a day and age where every "oppressed minority" screams that a white guy eating a taco or making Ramen Noodles in his kitchen is guilty of "cultural appropriation", this gasbag went full-on fuckwit and started calling himself "Spartacus". He did this while attempting to accuse a Supreme Court nominee of being part of a vicious -- so vicious that no one told the police about their activities, ever -- high school rape gang, sans evidence, only to have accusations of sexual misconduct made against him, including one he put in print, come back to bite him on the ass.
Naturally, when speaking of "Cultural Appropriation" no one holds a candle to Elizabeth Warren, infamous fake Indian with a lobster-and-mayonnaise recipe (yes, the Cherokee loved their mayonnaise, I'm sure) who claimed minority status not once, not twice, but three times in order to gain tony jobs at Harvard and Penn State and on her Texas Bar Association application. This colossal ass tumor did something even more brazenly galling this past week and suggested we should prosecute every parent engaged in the massive Pay-for-Admissions scam at the elite universities. claiming that sort of outright disingenuousness and manipulation of the system hurt deserving students, especially those of color.
This woman makes Hillary Clinton seem not only smart, but almost-human. If you want to see just how phony Sitting Bullshit is, I suggest you watch this, which I gather was supposed to make people believe she's "regular folk".
I don't know what it is with leftist women, but they all make Pinocchio look authentic, and in trying to channel a vibe of warmth and approachability only manage to come off as pathetic, stiff and icy. It's cringe-worthy stuff. It has to be Feminism; it desensitizes them and destroys their ability to relate to normal people.
If you think Lieawatha looks uncomfortable trying to fake authenticity, check out her husband in that mess: he appears to be suffering from a severe case of "get this fucking thing (my wife) off me" mixed with "Oh, God, it fucking touched me!"that the smile he screwed onto his face could hardly conceal his feeling of disgust and fervent desire to be someplace else as quickly as possible.
And now we come to what I'm Glad I've Lived Long Enough To See:
Come 2020, the self-destructive. hypocritical, Cognitively-Dissonant nonsense the Left has been on about for 50 years has finally reached Critical mass, pushed forwards by a Rogues Gallery that would have made Dick Tracy jealous. It's about to all explode in a nuclear blast of contradictory nonsense and abhorrent characters that will, FINALLY, expose these people for the mental cases they truly are.
Up until now, we have only seen glimpses of their underlying mental disorders: the pettiness, the congenital lying, the lack of impulse control, the grievances (real and imagined), the sociopathic opportunism, the ability to ignore logic, the ability to ignore corruption by their own, the vicious hatreds. Up until now, they have managed to keep the lid on this boiling cauldron of insanity, but it's about to blow wide open.
* A party that has shown it's hatred and disdain for White Men finds itself in the curious position that it's two front runners -- Biden and Bernie -- and it's biggest fundraiser, to date, Beto, would seem to indicate that White Men are still in control.
Despite the effort to promote Vaginas of Color (see AOC, Omar, Tlaib, Stacey Abrams, Kamala Harris, and Honorary Beta Male Vaginas of Color, Tom Perez and Julian Castro, who looks like he should be Flamenco dancing in a Havana dive), three white dudes are on top. Let's see how this shakes out: does the commitment to "Diversity" fall by the wayside in the effort to beat Orange Man, or does this splinter the party further, as the Identity Politics train goes runaway?
* It's a party which is hot to show it's dedication to the "Working Classes" and is fighting an uphill battle against a republican president who has actually done something other than talk about the Proles, but gotten them jobs and lowered their taxes.
Expect a lot of double talk about how the recovery is Obama's (which means you have to believe that Obama planned for a recovery to take place the day he left office, and set that plan into motion 8 years ago, all the while shouting about what a wonderful economy we were enjoying as millions applied for food stamps and lost their houses).
Expect to hear that yes, you may have a job (with higher wages!), but it's not the best job, and it's a by-product of capitalism, which is, like, evil an' stuff, an' eww, like, so much we...just...can't...deal. Rhetoric will be crafted, deliberately designed to convince you that America's economy is a giant shit sandwich and you've just been to dumb to notice how big a bite you've taken.
* Expect a full-court press on Global Catastrophe, which can only be avoided by a New Green Deal, slated to cost more than the entire Gross National Product of the entire planet, and yet create millions of new jobs (unless you choose not to work) and provide the income to make college "free" for everyone and expand Medicare to every cash of jock itch, dry eyes, restless leg syndrome, hemorrhoids, and ass cancer in America, which kind of makes you wonder why anyone would want free college, a job, and to have their deadly ailments cured if we're all gonna die a horrible death, anyway?
* Watch as the party goes all Dan Rather, characterizing their laughable accusations of electoral fraud as "fake-but-accurate" having pinned their hopes to Robert Mueller, who hasn't managed to find any Reds under Donald Trump's bed (just a sleazy porn actress), turn up any evidence that Donald is Putin's butt buddy, as revelations about the disgusting abuses of power that took place in the FBI and Department of (In-)Justice begin to flow like Niagara Falls, as the prosecutions for anything-but foreign interference and "collusion" dry up without proving either peter out, as the party leadership slowly backs away from it's Holy Oath to send that Cheeto in a Suit to jail, come Hell or High Water.
They've spent 2-plus years on this witch hunt, they have used every prosecutorial trick, they have abused the intelligence agencies, they have invented shit out of whole cloth, to boot, and they haven't proven a damned thing. They also haven't accomplished a damned thing on all that time, either.
It's hard to run on "We've failed".
But they're gonna try it.
I'm glad I've lived long enough to see it.
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