A Weekend in Paradise...

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”  -- Albert Einstein
A collection of really stupid things, and outrageous behavior, I've seen over the weekend.

This past Friday, I took the Tie Fighter in for it's scheduled oil change. As I waited for the job to be done, a mechanic comes in and asks the woman sitting next to me:

 "Did you realize you only have three lug nuts on each wheel?"

"No. Is that bad? What's a lug nut?"

I wish to be charitable here, but just can't.

I found myself wondering just what sort of clueless human being can go through life, operating a motor vehicle, and be totally unaware of the existence and utility of lug nuts, until I noticed that the woman in question belongs to a certain....shall we say...non-Caucasian sub-section of the Population not exactly noted for it's history of Nobel Prize Winners?

And upon bumping up against that thought, I began to question my motives in having it; was I being a racist? Was I stereotyping? Was I indulging my White Male Privilege in assuming to be superior, better informed, and just totally more-awesome?

And then the next part of the conversation took place:

"You need sixteen lug nuts, four for each wheel. you only have twelve and need  four lug nuts to complete the set. We sell bags of four nuts."

"How much do it cost?"

"That's $6.99 for the set."

"Do I really need it? Why they so expensive?"

Nope. Not being racist at all. In fact, count that as one bias fucking confirmed.

That bias, incidentally, extends to having visions of this woman eventually ending up on Judge Judy trying to win a case in which she is involved in an accident caused, in part, by only having three (3) lug nuts on each wheel, and simultaneously driving without insurance (because if lug nuts are considered too expensive a luxury, I'm sure insurance isn't even on her list of necessities. But, I must say, she did have lovely tats on her neck, and the iPhone was a nice touch, indeed ).

Someone is going to get killed, I reckon, for the inability to stick a crowbar in your wallet and fork over $6.99 for a relatively simple safety device. It won't be her, unfortunately.

Next up: Saturday was tire day (this is going to be a car-themed rant, if you haven't figured it out already). The Overlord was in need of a new set of four tires. Fortunately, one of the local outlet stores is having a sale on a particularly good brand, with deep discounts (I saved $130.00 on tires this weekend between the member discount and the soon-to-be-mailed rebate form. Not bad).

I must wait for the Tire Technicians (like they were PhD's?) to service my car, as there are approximately ten other tire-seeking customers ahead of me. No worries, I have all day. A good opportunity to indulge in one of my favorite pastimes, observing the stupidity of the human race in a laboratory setting.

Now, the outlet in question sells tires to non-Members, however, the signs announcing this Member's Only rebate/discount offer clearly state that ONLY members are being offered the rebate and discount, and that both are only operative if you buy four tires.

In comes a gentleman of the above-mentioned, non-Caucasian persuasion celebrated the universe over for it's well-documented reading and mathematical skills. He is not a member. And he only wants three (3) tires.

I shit you not.

Upon learning that he isn't getting the discount for being a) not a member, and b) for only buying three (3) tires, he becomes irate. The service person points to the signage (helpfully displaying the offer in five (5) languages -- English, Spanish, Chinese, Korean, and Arabic, none of them remotely similar to Ebonics, alas!), and tries to explain to the gentleman that "these are the rules". The gentleman, either extremely dense or deliberately working himself up into a lather in order to trigger the "squeaky wheel gets the grease" reflex prevalent in some parts of American society, continues to beg, plead, threaten, yell, cajole, in the hopes of getting three (3) tires with the rebate and Membership discount that he is otherwise not entitled to.

He even asked several people to let him buy tires with their Membership cards...in front of the clerks. He's only getting angrier and insinuating racism with each flat refusal.

Because let's face it, getting things he's not entitled to by throwing a tantrum and making baseless accusations of racism is probably a way of life for him. I can see he's reached the point where his...Inner Urban Aborigine...is about to manifest itself, and so I started the mental countdown....

10...9...8...7...6...5...4....

At approximately 3.7 the expected occurred.

Having -- FINALLY -- figured out he's not going to have it his way, the destructive impulse began, and he started tearing tires down out of the racks and tossing them about the room full of waiting people, a stream of racially-tinged invective flowing the entire time. The best way to explain the pathology of this impulse is to say that if Urban Aborigine doesn't get what he wants, then he is perfectly justified --in some sort of esoteric Cosmic sense -- in fucking up everyone else's shit.

It's the mentality that leads to inner city riots; it's the mentality that justifies violent crime; it's the mentality that justifies a deep-seeded hatred and racism that entitles you to refer to everyone else as a racist hater.

Security is called. the gentleman is escorted from the Tire Center by a pair of very burly chaps. With any luck, they flogged him behind closed doors.

On the Seventh Day, the Overlord rested. At least his wallet did.

Yesterday is struts and shocks day (the Overlord has an anal-retentive streak that dictates that whenever something comes in sets, when one needs to be replaced the entire set should also be replaced  This makes perfect sense as far a automobiles are concerned, not so much when it comes to more mundane items, like linens, cutlery, and such. I know...).

I drop the car off at first light, put the keys in the drop box; having called the mechanic on Friday, he knows exactly what to do, so that when he opens at 7:30 I'm first in line. He calls me later that day, just after lunch, to let me know the job is done, and by the way, you needed a slight alignment so we went ahead and did it...no charge.

Because he's a good mechanic -- and businessman -- that way. He's already hitting me up for $700 on shocks and struts, no need to bleed me for an extra $39.95,right?

So, the Overlord has to take what is generously considered public transportation in these parts to return to the garage, and pick up Old Paint.

It has been some time since I last used public transportation, and frankly, I don't miss it ONE FUCKING BIT.

There's a reason WHY bus fare in New York City is $2.75, and I reckon it's because of all the assholes who get on the bus and decide they don't have to pay for it. There's not even the pretense of being ashamed about it, either. They just get on and almost dare the driver to stop them, or someone will hold open the back door in order to let freeloaders get on without even having to pass the driver or fare box.

It's disgusting.

Oh, did I mention the practitioners of this time-honored tradition of stealing rides on public transportation seem to come from a certain lower-spectrum socio-economic group usually associated with Rap Music, Out-of-Wedlock Births, Gun Crime, riding around in cars with wheels held on by only three (3) lug nuts, inability to read or follow instructions, and propensity to destroy property in a fit of rage when denied benefits they aren't entitled to?

Now, some will accuse me of being rather selective in the three (3) examples I've just given, and they'd be correct. Because I am purposely leaving out the other 17 examples of fucktard I witnessed this last weekend for brevity's sake. And they'd accuse me of being biased and racist, anyway, because it's the means by which they can look in the mirror at their racist, biased and hateful selves without contemplating suicide.

Not to mention a means by which to deny having the stupid gene in...erm...spades.

Like the..ahem...lady who took her baby out of it's stroller and then attempted to fold the stroller with the infant precariously ensconced in her armpit on a moving escalator.

The older gentleman who found it necessary to throw a full gallon jug of milk at a grocery clerk who didn't answer his request for attention the first time.

The small band of Urban Youths, Eagle Scouts, all, no doubt, who I watched attempt to drop an entire book of lit matches in a mailbox (they failed only because the retard with the matches burned himself).

However, in all of the incidents I've described and witnessed there was one, common denominator.

See if you can guess what that was? I can wait.

Oh, and by the way, I'm not a racist....I hated Obama's White Half, too.