A Message to the Delusional "REAL" Conservative...

If I were an Alabaman this morning, I'd be fucking embarrassed...

Already the excuses have begun pouring in for the defeat of Roy Moore for Alabama Senate.

It was the RINOs.

There are "irregularities" in the write-in vote.

Voter fraud.

God is punishing Alabama for losing to Clemson.

Because Mitch McConnell (only because he's alive, not for anything he's done).

Dirty Tricks.

Fake news.

One guy in Tuscaloosa couldn't get out of the outhouse before the polls closed.

It's sad. It's Clintonesque in it's blame-laying and straw-grasping. I'm expecting Roy Moore to write a book explaining his defeat, and mercilessly flogging it on TV for a year while ignoring the real problem, i.e. Roy Moore was flawed candidate that represents a very questionable constituency.

(Author's Note: People who use the term "RINO", or it's auxiliaries, "Cuckservative", "Rockerfeller Republican", "Establishment", etc, etc, are hardly worth taking seriously. You suffer from a severe form of Low-Information-Voter-itis which is caused by repeated exposure to talk radio, too much praying, and an innate genetic defect that makes you a credulous idiot. However, there is hope: perhaps one day you'll all learn to read, educate yourselves on what the GOP is and it's Classically Liberal Roots, finally understand that God does not exist, and stop referring to yourselves as "conservatives', because Buddy, you fucking ain't...you just fell for the marketing).

If you can't see what the problem was, Alabama, I'll spell it out for you:

Yesterday, you held an election between an Alleged Pedophile and a man who is ON RECORD as supporting a retail market for aborted fetal parts.

This was the best you could manage?

That choice is along the lines of: Would I rather...

Open an Umbrella Rammed Up My Own Ass or Be Circumcised With a Chainsaw?

It's a shame they couldn't both lose.

And the truly fucked up part is that this morning there are thousands of angry REAL conservatives (small 'c' intentional) who are lamenting the idea that the more virtuous man was somehow cheated, AND THEY BELIEVE IT.

They believe it with every fiber of their beings. It is a faith as unshakable as the one that led them to the ridiculously stupid choice of Roy Moore in the first place, because first and foremost, the choice of Moore was indicative of one, terribly-depressing fact of life in Alabama:

The Religious Right is alive and demented, and once again managed to fuck the GOP.

Because at the end of the day, the rationale for a Roy Moore candidacy was all about a particularly vapid brand of Christianity. Moore hates fags and he's defended the Ten Commandments, and that's good enough for the average Bibler-Thumper. That was enough to continue despite allegations of manhandling little girls from NINE alleged victims.

There was a time when a Roy Moore would have been hounded out politics by a pitchfork-and-torch-bearing Conservative mob on just the slightest scintilla of a whiff of a mere whisper of a hushed rumor of the possibility of something only distantly related to pedophilia.

I guess those days are over, and the next Christian fucktard who wants to hammer me over the head with his "Christian Virtues" and "Family Values" after voting for/defending Moore is going to get seriously fucked up. You are literally too big a hypocritical dumbass to be left alive.

Once again, a segment of the GOP that wields far too much influence was allowed to let it's religion override common sense and electoral necessity. And it isn't the first time, either.

Anyone remember a guy named Mitt Romney?

Anyone remember the disaster that was Todd Akin?

Anyone recall a chap named Richard Murdock?

In case you've forgotten:

Romney lost a winnable election, in large part, because Evangelicals refused to vote for a Mormon.

Akin lost his election after his dissertation on legitimate rape versus not-really-rapey-rape, and how the female body -- with the help of God -- could stop a pregnancy resulting from legitimate rape all by itself without resort to abortion, exposed him for the batshit-insane cave-dweller that he was. Did I mention he was creepy as all hell?

Murdock, being an even bigger asshole, lost his election, in part, because of his insistence that a pregnancy resulting from a rape was "something God intended", and therefore, to abort the baby was a sin against the Creator. Did I mention he had the personality of a garden slug?

There's at least four more losers in this vein that I can think of over the last decade, I just can't recall their names right now. But it's probably on the order of ten elections that were winnable by the GOP that were lost because the religious doofus got his way, and the better candidate was left in the paddock.

I have said this four billion times in blogs before: keep your religion out of the voting booth. If you can't do this, then perhaps some means of keeping you from voting is required.

The combination of Average Retard, Religion and a Voting Booth ALWAYS produces the same result: a democrat wins.

This has been proven. It is an established fact with documentary evidence. Copious examples abound within the scope of human experience. And yet, it still happens.

And I guess this is something the Religious Right has in common with the Socialist Left:

Their faith in either an non-existent invisible man or a an unworkable system of economics based upon theft is unshakable, despite all the empirical evidence that contradicts that belief, but when you have faith who the fuck needs evidence, right?

And if it happens to fuck up everyone else's life, oh well, that's just the price you're willing to let others pay to soothe your mental disorders.
*Update: Corrected grammatical and editing errors.

*Additional Update: Considering the invective being tossed today in my Facebook feed and e-mail, it seems that many of Moore's backers had a huge emotional investment in this man, which has now come to shit. I will leave you people with a final thought: if you support a deeply-flawed candidate, who advances a deeply-flawed platform, and based that decision upon an exegesis detached from reason -- he's "God's Candidate", the Pro-Gun thingy, or his words of wisdom concerning making gays "illegal" -- then you deserve to lose.

If you didn't hop off the Roy Moore bandwagon after the pedophile accusations, if you didn't bail after that disaster on Hannity, and you didn't seriously look for the fire exits after his spokesman made Jake tapper look rational on CNN the day before yesterday, then you own both the blame and the butthurt. Trying to make this out to be everyone else's fault is a dick move, and you should all shut the fuck up, now.

You're beginning to sound like Hillary.