Monday, July 11, 2022

Douchebag of the Week (Week Ending 7/9/2022 -- Mitt Romney)

 "The worse a person is the less he feels it..." -- Seneca The Younger

If one were to look up the word "bland" in the dictionary, you might find a picture of Mitt Romney next to the definition.

If one were to imagine that "obsolete" had a face, it might look like Mitt Romney.

If one were to investigate the origin of the term "non-entity", Mitt's name might come up more than a few times.

There is no better indication of a man's decline -- in the moral, ethical, and practical senses -- than the following statements:

"Ann and I both extend our congratulations to President-elect Joe Biden and Vice-President-elect Kamala Harris. We know them both as people of good will and admirable character. We pray that God may bless them in the days and years ahead." (November 7, 2020)

"America is in denial. Too many Americans are blithely dismissing threats that could prove cataclysmic...President Joe Biden is a genuinely good man..." (July 4, 2022)

In between those two gems of delusion there are a spate of quotes that describe Joseph Robinette Biden as everything from a man of integrity to the best thing since penicillin, and I could be here all day reprinting slobbering love quotes from Romney all attesting to the character and all-around swell-ness of the man who once stood on a stage and accused Romney of wanting to reintroduce slavery, of being a misogynist, and of personally giving another human being cancer.

If Dingbat Joe is your BFF, Mitt, he certainly has a strange way of showing it.

The safest place on Planet Earth, it would be appear, is in Mitt Romney's face, insulting him. In the event of nuclear war, I intend to find the Senator and take cover under the shelter of his enormous lack of good sense.

And you, Mitt, will always have the singular distinction (one could make the argument that Hillary Clinton may be co-title holder) of having lost to two men who will forever occupy positions 1a and 1b on any future "Worst Presidents in American History" list.

In retrospect, the best quality of Barack Hussein Obama is that he at least showed no interest in doing the work that came with the job, and so the damage was limited to bloviation, race-hustling and going on taxpayer-funded vacation every other week.

In the case of the Delaware Dullwit, however, the fact that the man couldn't tie his own shoes, on a good day, has made him the perfect catspaw for a slew of destructive and incomprehensible policies and pronouncements that have begun the paving of the proverbial road to Hell.

If only...IF had managed to defeat perhaps the weakest candidate EVAH to run in 2012, Willard, we might have managed to dodge this particular runaway torpedo. You couldn't beat a Barack Obama saddled with a poor economy, the baggage that resulted from the ObamaCare fiasco, the apparent lack of enthusiasm for the job, the Mussolini-like venality and arrogance, and a track record of busted NCAA brackets, to achieve the highest office in the land, and all that idiot had to run on was that you were somehow worse?

Even with your own, Massachusetts brand of government-not-provided healthcare to your credit?

And that he had Usama bin Laden shot in the fucking face?

If only Dick Cheney had been around...

If anything, the presence of such ineffective people -- including yourself -- sitting in the US Senate is a glaring piece of evidence that perhaps the institution has outlived its usefulness. If we were to compile a roster of useless mouths that have, at one time or another, populated that moribund and creaking institution, the names "Romney" and "Biden" would top it, giving names like "Kennedy", "Graham", "Collins", "Clinton", "Schumer", "Obama", "McCain", Kerry" and "Dole" a run for their money in the "Who's the Biggest Asshole" category.

(I have deliberately left the name "McConnell off the list for a reason: Mitch somewhat redeemed himself by getting Supreme Court justices approved, and this new, reformed, majority court has at least begun the painful and long process of reigning in a run-amok federal government, if recent actions are any indication).

The World's Biggest Social Club (the US Senate) seems to produce idiots on an industrial scale. The sort of people who will spit in one another's eye today and then pledge undying friendship and fealty to one another the next. The sort of people who will defecate upon one another with each electoral cycle and then plead for "bi-partisanship" with more regularity than Joe is capable of.

(And, yes,  I mean "regularity" in the literal fecal sense. Joe Biden is so old and decrepit that he probably drinks Metamucil with every meal and is still full of shit).

Yes, Willard, you were right about Russia. That was no mean feat. Children in kindergarten beat you to that conclusion some time ago.

When The Atlantic is willing to run a piece you've written, rest assured, it is only because you have managed to perfectly echo the position of the left.

Congratulations: you have become the new McCain, the favored righty pet of the leftist media cesspit.

Good for fucking you. Enjoy it while you can: they'll turn on you -- again -- any day now.

Right down to the asinine assertion that supporting Ukraine in a war it cannot win is a good bet. That somehow standing up for Ukraine is a sign of protecting the "liberal world order" or whatever term of propaganda they've pinned to it his week.

The "liberal world order" is a euphemism for "rule by unelected, transnational bureaucrats", and if spending hundreds of billions of borrowed dollars (400 billion or so, to date, I think) just to see Ukrainians sacrifice themselves to blow up Russian tanks but still lose the war is "liberal" in any sense, while people here suffer from the effects of unnecessary lockdowns, a pandemic that was created in part by American doctors, the panic that followed, the electoral graft that placed your boyfriend on the throne, then maybe the "liberal world order" is just not worth preserving, is it?

But anything to continually remind us that you were right about the Russkies, huh?

That's what you're hanging your hat on? That and fealty to a man who slandered you in public?

Perhaps you have a stake in that "liberal world order" you haven't told us about, Willard?

Even accounting for tender Mormon sensibilities -- my mother also told me that if you didn't have anything nice to say about someone, you should shut up: it doesn't work -- and your revulsion at the brash-talking, get-it-done, loudmouth who followed Obama (what was his name again? Trump or something?) who proved that you can't bring a Bible to a gunfight and be successful (i.e. win an election), this curious affection for Joe Biden is astonishing.

But then again, Willard, you have always been something of one of those candies we used to enjoy as children, where the thin outer shell contains a soft, liquid center. It might be delicious for a few moments but eventually the candy shell melts and becomes a literal razor blade that cuts the inside of your mouth or tongue open just before the gooey mint oozes out and enters the wound. 

Talk about seeing stars?

But, my apologies, Gentle Readers, because that analogy (emphasis on "anal") falls below my usual standards in describing this relegated-to-the-back-bench-lone-voice-in-his-own-wilderness douche, so try this one on for size:

Mitt Romney is like a hemorrhoid: easily forgotten when it stays in it's place, infinitely irritating when it decides to make it's presence felt.

Not strong enough?

Mitt Romney is the perfect example of what happens when a man develops two faces and can't decide which one he wants to show to the world at any given moment.

Mitt Romney is to consistency what the contents of Joe Biden's adult diapers are to substance.

You can obviously insult Mitt Romney to his face, and still have the opportunity to explain it to him later.

I would call Mitt Romney "a pussy", but he lacks warmth and depth.

Mitt Romney is the black sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

Mitt Romney is the one pretzel in the bag the salt didn't stick to.

Here's to hoping that this expected "Red Wave" washes this idiot away, too. 


aseeling said...

It boggles my mind that senator Romney comes from Utah, a culture of God-fearing, hardworking individuals. How he has managed to act so selfishly coming out of a culture that prides itself in care for others is beyond my imagining. As Scott Peck has written in his book, People of the Lie, there is real evil in the world, evil that is evil for evil's sake, successfully masquerading itself as "Good." Those who are simply out for their own good easily fall prey.

GMay said...


My limited understanding of how this happens in Utah is because of an alternative system where you can get on the primary ballot if you have enough signatures, thereby circumventing their delegate system.

So the RINO comes in, spends some money on signature gathering, then blitzes the campaign trail talking up how super duper conservative and religious they are. After getting elected, they do what RINOs do.

Ravenmother said...

Let us not forget that Mittens' son is his bagman, alongside Hunter/Biden's bro and Pelosi's clan, hoovering up dollars from slush funds around the globe that have been filled via our own tax dollars. Pierre Delecto has a vested financial/legal interest in defending the putrescent, maggot-filled, self-dealing members of the transnational "elite" AKA the various mobsters whose rapine and plunder of our currency's value and cultural capital make the Costa Nostra look like kids stealing candy from a drug store by comparison. I WISH the Teflon Don or Al Capone or any random number of historic gangsters were in charge right now. At least the Mafia didn't tolerate pedos and other sundry pretty criminals harassing the common folk and the "productive" earners in their territories. These idiots are killing the golden goose on purpose because they, stupidly, believe that they can survive the impending civil war/dark age that is about to descend and consolidate even MORE power after the dust settles.

Matthew Noto said...

I'm personally getting sick of this RINO stuff.

Any republican, even if s/he doesn't toe the "real" conservative (small 'c' intentional) line on every issue is still 100 times better than any D.

The need for ideological purity and identity politics is how the left got to where it is now: let's not follow them off that cliff. It's the "no exceptions" crowd that gets us those sorts of candidates to begin with.

Realize that politicians have to operate within boundaries, and republican democracy requires compromise in order to work, therefore, you will get some who don't "fit the mold". They can't get elected, otherwise.

And considering who decides what "the mold" is, I think that's a great thing. Monolithic ideological ideals suck. They usually turn out to be more-disappointing than the alternatives.

At the moment, there is a possibility to take all three branches. Don't fuck it up with litmus tests that even Jesus couldn't pass, because from where I sit, while I may agree with 85-90% of what "real" conservatives (trademark) are selling, they usually tend to fuck things up for everyone with this sort of attitude.

And, believe it or not, sometimes their ideas are stupid, too.

We have enough stupid. How about we concentrate on being smarter and less-divisive?

Matthew Noto said...

I've picked on Mitt this week because he's an obsequious piece of shit, not because he's "a RINO".

GMay said...

Gonna have to disagree for a number of reasons, but it's your house, so I've got no problem playing by your rules.

Matthew Noto said...

Disagreement is fine.

I just don't want to see any more Todd Akins, or this new breed of YouTube sensations cashing in on their military service, AS IF THEY'RE ENTITLED TO AN OFFICE, Dan Crenshaw.

Who, by the way, does little else except write books and get interviewed. He's like the righty version of AOC.

Let's get some "normal" back before anything else, okay?

GMay said...

I can partly agree with you, then. We can start there. Nobody should want a Todd Akin. Crenshaw can eat a bag or two of dicks, and as a retired Marine, I'm fresh out of fucks to give for his service. He's a tool, in all respects.

I'd love normal. Unfortunately, politics doesn't attract normal. And another point I can agree on is the boundaries politicians have to operate within. [Incoming "but" warning]


"RINO" is synonymous with "obsequious piece of shit". It does little good to vote Republican when you get Democrat results, with the occasional corporate tax break thrown in. Meanwhile, us rubes must dutifully wait for the time to be "ripe" before we can work on any of those party platforms that are helpfully plastered on the GOP's website.

"We don't have the House, what can we do? Oh, you gave us the House. Well, we don't have the Senate, we're stumped. Oh, we've got that now. Well, just give us the Presidency and we can finally get to work!" And then we ended up with bullshit wars, gargantuan spending, and a whole new cabinet level department empowered to crawl up our asses in the name of security. Then it happened again in 2016, only this time it was the wrong President.

We haven't had a Republican manage to move the needle in the ostensible Republican direction since Newt Gingrich (and I agree with you there too, the objections to him from our side were horseshit).

That's how that rogues gallery of mendacious assholes you listed got us Trump, a decidedly suboptimal choice both times he was on the ticket. After 16 years of lying to their base, the GOP was revealed for the hive of scum and villainy it is, and unless we rein in that rogues gallery of _ _ _ _s included in your post, we're gonna be fucked again because we'll get Trump again.

The inevitable "gang of X" (where X represents the number of Republicans who can safely sell out while maintaining a respectable ACU rating on naming post offices and new Identitarian flavors of the month) will do their thing, when there would be absolutely no political costs among their constituents to do so.

Except for maybe Collins. Maine kinda sucks like that.

Calling them out for not keeping up their ends of the bargain is having an effect. Roy Blunt probably had my name memorized. I like to fantasize it was one of my...many...letters that prompted him to retire.

Matthew Noto said...

From my perspective, "RINO" seems synonymous with "heathen", since the people who use the word the most tend to be religious bigots, usually with a gun fetish, as well.

The unfortunate part of Life is that we never can get a custom fit when the world is an off-the-rack proposition. I think one could hardly blame a republican for "going soft" on a social issue if his district happens to be socially liberal (that's the "boundaries" thing), for example

is he "selling out" or is he trying to get re-elected by not joining the Evangelical Stormtroopers, and being tarred by association? Frankly, I wouldn't follow any of those people through my own front door, and for all of their complaining, they somehow manage to send the rat bastard back to Washington about 85% of the time, anyway.

Because they're either too physically lazy to do the work of getting candidates they do want to run for office (and then losing), or because they believe in miracles, they're waiting for a "Savior" to arrive and smite the evil that is politics. Don't worry -- Hannity, Coulter, Bongino and the rest identify new messiahs every 10 minutes. The come around more frequently than buses.

I seem to remember the right applauding loudly when GWB formed the Department of Taking Your Shoes off At The Airport and the loudest protests coming from the Left. However, the Left was afraid that "Nazis" like Bush and Ridge would use the department to go after their activists, and all the protest was really more informative about how THEY would use it when the got the chance. So, I think you're a bit off base there, but I agree, it got out of hand and was just begging to be abused.

As for the rest, the world does not stand still: things often have to change because change is forced upon them. The Old-style GOP is a relic; demographics and events have made is such.

GMay said...

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I doubt we'll move one another, no matter how excellent our examples are, so I'll bow out. We agree on far more things than not, and I have Lefties to bash elsewhere.

Unknown said...

Best said, Rhino is just an acronym for Republicans that expect big government is best, "voting Republican and getting Democrat results.". The issue is we have a lot of people who grew up expecting an easier life. Parents worked hard to provide that, then off to school where educators who grew up being indoctrinated in sociism found an "ism" that matched their desires and, without proof, fed it to students. So here we are. A president that pushes responsibility for onesself is trashed for not being everyone's salvation. A president who promises unreality is venorated for the promises that aren't delivered. Those two comparisons show how far down ice's rabbit hole the country is trying to go. It's not that either side is bad (ignoring the Globalists who say they need to take the USA down) but so many don't have a handle on the concept of "No free lunch" and "actions lead to consequences, cause and effect, etc." They simply grew up without learning those realities.