Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Notes from the 9th Circle of COVID Hell...

 "If everyone was jumping off a bridge, would you do that, too?" -- The Overlord's Mommy

I've just had a curious argument/discussion with a doctor this afternoon.

Mrs. Overlord receives a twice-weekly visit from one of her doctors.

Yes, I know that shocks you.

A doctor who makes house calls.

 In the 21st Century.

In New York City.

Anyway, after he did some of that doctor shit we pay him for, we were treated to a lecture on the supposed virtues of the COVID-19 vaccine. It is his "considered" opinion -- I'll reveal momentarily why I put that in quotes -- that we should both be vaccinated.

In the case of Mrs. Overlord, it is because with her Muscular Dystrophy and history of respiratory illnesses, it is the proverbial no-brainer. He then turned his steely, slightly-paranoid gaze, his surgical mask rising and falling like a constipated bullfrog's dewlap, upon me.

I should get it, according to him, because I can still give her COVID-19....even if she has the vaccine.

This made no sense to me.

The Overlord is a simple soul, but still smarter than the average bear (in his case, it would have to be an exceptionally-above-average bruin, but these are few and far between). I am not a doctor, nor am I an immunologist, virologist, biologist or biochemist, but I understand the basic principles of how both viruses and vaccines work. This imperative -- you should get it because, even if she has it, she can still get sick -- leads to the inevitable and obvious question:

If the fucking thing doesn't work, then why give it to anyone?

I understand that no vaccine is a 100% lock synch. I also understand that in medicine and Monopoly there are no guarantees.

So, I asked some questions that seemed to me to be relevant and germane to the subject.

And got no satisfactory answers. Just a repeated admonishment that I should take the vaccine...

...because everyone else is.

I want it to be known that the Overlord is not one of these anti-vaxx shitheads that believes all diseases can be cured with CBD oil and crystals, ionized water and the latest-fad herbs and spices, or even one of those morons who believes that Jesus will protect me if I pray hard enough and donate enough money to the Tabernacle, Water-park and Bait Shop construction fund.

Even if Christ has said (that no one ever heard) that Reverend Bob will be taken from this Earth...

I'm waiting to see what happens with this vaccine before I decide whether to take it or not. It was rolled out awfully fast, and given the propensity of most science to be absolute shit in this period of history -- for a variety of reasons usually having to do with politics, funding and fame and fortune for an otherwise unappealing person, not to mention the year of consistently shifting and contradictory "expertise" we've been subjected to, I'd like to reserve some healthy skepticism on this one.

We've gone almost a year without catching this thing and if you believe I follow every diktat of the left-wing Sniffle Gestapo, you'd be crazy. Then again, we both had a coronavirus the year before anyone ever heard of COVID-19 (or coronaviruses, for that matter) and have consistently tested negative the three times in the last year we've had a Q-tip shoved up our noses by the medical equivalent of the Lunch Lady.

It's possible we both already have immunity. Another doctor speculated on this very subject with us months ago.

And having failed to convince me to get the shot because "everyone is getting it", the Doctor then gave me a lecture on why organic foods are better for me than the "chemical" stuff we all eat now.

So, I asked him: what do you reckon was life expectancy in 400 B.C.? 1066? 1754? 1800?

His response was to inquire what any of that had to do with his original point, to which I responded:

Didn't people then typically die young? And all they ate was organic, non-chemical food? And today, I can expect to live to the ripe old age of about 80? Obviously , there's a flaw in your hypothesis unless you can show me evidence of an older society where people routinely lived to see their own grandchildren prior to the 20th Century?.

He had no answer, except to fall back upon authority:

YOU didn't go to medical school. I did.

Then I reminded him he's a DOCTOR OF PHYSICAL THERAPY.

The exit was quick and undignified.

Speaking of vaccines, even if I wanted one right now, I happen to live in Mordor, where the Dark Lord -- Andrew Cuomo -- has decreed I'm not deserving of one, anyway.

You see, I'm not "a healthcare worker" or "first responder", nor am I elderly, non-Caucasian, a democratic voter or campaign contributor, a politico's side bitch, or a mother. I don't have AIDS, nor am I a crackhead living in an addiction rehab center.

According to Governor Useless McFucktard, those people all get "priority" and assuming there's enough vaccine available in my area to give everyone a Moderna anti-COVID enema three times daily, unless I fall into one of those categories I would have to wait, anyway...even if it means the vaccine gets thrown in the trash, spoils from non-use, or is otherwise wasted for fear of a $1,000,000 fine for a doctor or hospital who would venture to give a vaccine on the (prudent) basis of preventing the spread of the Kung Fu Koff outside of official guidelines.

Even to get your vaccine, should you qualify, you have to jump through so many bureaucratic hoops and submit to government snooping on such a vast scale, you'd probably just rather get the Cantonese Clusterfuck and take your chances than to be a part of any public health program administered by His Heinous, Andrew, First Lord of Fuckwit, and his court jester, Comrade Bill. 

Because his track record, to date, concerning all questions of health or intelligence leaves much to be desired and has the black marks of about 7,000 dead senior citizens, sent to the gallows by his pronunciamento all over it. But, that's okay: we can give him another Emmy (a consequence of a society where even the retard gets a trophy for coming in last), and he can go on pretending he knows what he is doing.

Fredo the Elder is to good leadership what a turd in the Hollandaise is to gourmet dining.

So, I will wait...as if I had any other option?...to see what happens to the people who did get pumped full of the vaccine equivalent of microwaveable Minute Rice. I see no urgency -- I haven't been terribly sick at any point for the last year; Mrs. Overlord has gone now 23 months without a hospital visit -- and I'm not afraid of the flu.

And I'll drink all the fucking Pepsi and eat all the fucking Doritos I like, Doctor Gymteacher.

No comments: