Monday, April 4, 2022

Galactic Housekeeping #17 (The IRS, Identity Theft, and Your Master's Voice Edition)

 Just a few tidbits that will keep you updated on this particular corner of the galaxy...

1) It is that time of year, again.

That time when the Fed'ral Gubmint of the formerly-United States of America breaks out it's microscopes and starts giving the Average American a proctological examination, par excellence, which is supposed to be beneficial to the people who will have their stools examined for undigested corn, but which only serves the purposes of feeding an out-of-control Beast in preparation to the brutal ass rape to follow.

It's time to file your income tax returns.

The Overlords did so this past week. In return, I believe I have every right to demand that one of the overpaid-under-brain-powered-lazy-as-all-fuck-unionized-Affirmative-Action-Dumbfucks who "works" for government become my willing slave.

I want to to say to all of the people who "work" on the various "hotlines" run by the Internal Revenue Service, and whom it has been my distinct displeasure to have had to deal with after sitting on hold for an hour a day in response to a letter you've sent,  that you're all dumber than dogshit, and the morons who stormed the Capital on Jan. 6th hit the wrong target.

As the Overlord has told you, Minions, the REAL enemy is not the mass of pustules with titles like "Congressman" or "Senator" -- they are merely the visible rash that signifies the presence of the underlying disease -- but every unionized fucktard with a 3rd-grade-reading-level who managed a 60 on a Civil Service Exam written by idiots for the benefit of cretins.

The first complaint comes when one discovers that winding a business down has unexpected "tax liabilities" that didn't exist last week, but which have suddenly sprung up like mushrooms and are being applied retroactively. 

You can't even Go Out of Business without the IRS being up your ass.

That one will require lawyers to straighten out, and so I will not speak more of it here.

It is the SECOND problem that has me scratching my head, and which may inspire me to start choking people with the Force on a large scale.

The IRS sent Mrs. Overlord a letter stating that her recent filing was preceded by another filing, which should never happen for a variety of really good reasons.

Primarily, this is because Mrs. Overlord is disabled, collects Social Security Disability payments, and, therefore, does not have to file a federal tax return. She has not had to do so for the last 12 years or so. Because we sold a house last June, she was required to do so this year so as to demonstrate that her profit on said domicile did not exceed the individual exemption under capital gains.

Which it didn't. So far, so good.

And then you receive a letter from the IRS, sent to your old address and forwarded to you by the Post Office (an anachronistic organization that exists to waste taxpayer money and funnel union dues to democrats) dated two weeks ago stating a return was already received, and you've only filed the day before. The IRS suspects foul play and Mrs. Overlord must verify her identity.

There is a phone number to call on the letter. You call said phone number.

And no one can help you. You've called the wrong number, you see, which is curiously missing from the fucking letter they've sent you. So, you wait "on hold" for nearly 50 minutes while the dipshit on the other end of the phone attempts to find the right one.

Success...sort of...

Because you call the "correct" number only to be informed by that friendly robotic voice that due to call volumes, it is probable that no one will be able to "process your call today", and perhaps you should try the IRS website.

Which is not much better. Details would only cause you to commit suicide.

To sum up: Mrs. Overlord's identity may have been stolen. The IRS cared enough to send a letter about it, but not enough to a) put the correct contact information on the letter, nor b) find a non-mouth-breathing human being to help rectify this vital problem the IRS, itself, alerted us to. We are then directed to a government website that wants us to take a survey related to everything EXCEPT the problem we're having as precursor to maybe, eventually, if the starts align, fixing said problem at some unspecified date in the future.

In the meantime, if her identity has been used to commit tax fraud, welfare fraud, immigration fraud, any sort of crime, whatsoever, we're responsible -- in every legal sense -- for any fees, judgments, or potentially criminal charges or penalties that may stem from it, unless we turn over every piece of paper that's ever been generated in our names in our lives AND PROVE OUR OWN INNOCENCE in a system that's supposed to presume innocence and where the evidence of a criminal act must be proved by government.

Unless the IRS "investigates" (as if) and finds the true perpetrator of said potential frauds, and then it's, "oh, sorry...just doing our jobs" when it comes to correcting the fallout. I have absolutely no faith the IRS -- nor any other government law-enforcement agency -- will ever find an identity thief, probably because they're all too busy trapping American citizens in phony conspiracies to kidnap a governor that no one would notice was missing, anyway, or encouraging "insurrection" to rid the country of political opinions the bureaucrats don't agree with, and welcoming illegal immigrants who steal identities into the country by the tens of thousands a day.

Never mind "draining the Swamp". This motherfucker needs to be blown up.

Thankfully, the Overlords have purchased Identity Theft insurance and have had it for years. For $40-50 a year, it's a good investment. I highly recommend it because you just might need it in today's computerized world run by chimpanzees.

2. Traffic

This site will soon celebrate it's 3rd Anniversary. I keep banging away at this thing because people seem to like it, and that is somewhat re-affirming and encouraging. I am not, as Orwell once so eloquently put it, "A Majority of One".

Thanks to you, My Minions, traffic increased by just over 100,000 unique views for the year over last year's totals (that is, individuals who have taken a peek under the covers), and roughly 40% of those have been repeat customers (defined as "visited more than three times in the last calendar year").

This is greatly appreciated. Please, continue to visit as I endeavor to make sense of the totally fucktarded, hopefully with insight, humor, and all the foul language you've come to expect. 

Surprisingly, the largest number of new views has come via Facebook, which saw fit to put me "in jail" for 109 days out of the last 300 or so, proving that FANG just may not have the stranglehold on free speech that it believes it does.

And that is a small glimmer of sunshine upon a darkened landscape.

As always, a great deal of thanks go to our friends at Diogenes' Middle Finger, Ace of Spades HQ, Kim du Toit, and all the other content providers/bloggers. and aggregate sites that have passed my words hither-and-yon like a $5 hooker across the intertoobies.

3. Podcasting

Well, I did it. I took the plunge.

A friend who has a moderately-successful podcast asked me to do one with him. We just prepared the first installment last week.

Apparently, the Overlord has a face for radio.

Who knew?

As of today, the thing is still in editing ("production", as this friend calls it), has no name and has yet to be posted to the 25 or so outlets this gentleman has access to, but it is coming soon. It's more a trial balloon than anything else.

When it becomes available on various podcast networks, I shall mention it here, and you can be lulled into the most-restful slumber you've ever had by the dulcet tones of your Lord And Master droning on and on about the dangers of Artificial Intelligence married to the Natural Stupidity of the people who believe this sort of thing to be a panacea.

A second podcast is to be made this Wednesday. 

Well, let's see how it goes...


SCBen said...

Good luck with the Idiotic Retard Service!! I once attended an IRS seminar for Small Businesses and the Regional Manager did not even have a degree in Business or Accounting. She had NO CLUE about taxes other than the process for fielding issues that she said she forwarded to Washington! I ended up answering basic questions for most of the seminar! My personal interaction with the IRS was weird! We had a small business, sent in our Quarterly Withholding Return and CHECK. We later got a letter for non-payment. I sent them a COPY - FRONT and BACK of my check. A month or so later I got ANOTHER letter from the IRS - AND A REFUND CHECK!! I sent back a letter stating that I had paid the Taxes and didn't request a refund. A month or so later I got a letter thanking me for alerting them to the error and ANOTHER REFUND CHECK! I gave up after than and just deposited the checks in savings and left them for a couple of years! And this year I get a letter that they had received my CHECK for TAXES DUE but NOT my RETURN - which was MAILED in the SAME ENVELOPE as MY CHECK! I sent in a DUPLICATE and asked them to please not process TWO times and send me a bill! I bet I get one!!

GMay said...

Do your silly podcasts. Just don't deprive us of your talent as one of the finest prose poets of the internet, epitomized by such opuses as You All Sick, #51.