Sunday, March 15, 2020

A Majority of One (Coronavirus and Idiots Edition)

"Panic will kill you -- and make you look like an asshole in the process..." -- David Pedreira, "Gunpowder Moon".

I have to ask:

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I mean, I think I already knew what was wrong with most of you and it had a lot to do with genetics. The planet is literally crawling with inferior people, who, in the days before modern medicine and the ever-present Safety Nazi, would have died from defect or their innate dumbass, but who were, instead, "saved".

As if that were some sort of great humanitarian accomplishment?

It only means there were more physical and mental defects left alive to breed, to share their insufficiency with others, to create new generations of new-and-improved shitheads as novel and previously-inconceivable combinations of fucktard and cripple combined to create a veritable Cornucopia of Cretin.

There was a reason why the Ancient Spartans left defective children on hilltops to die of exposure. Why the Carthaginians tossed the sick and the elderly into vast pits. Why primitive tribes ranging from New Guinea to Africa to the Amazon practice cannibalism.

It's a means of protecting the gene pool. But not here in the West. Nooooo, we have to "protect" our weaklings.

I blame that Jesus guy.

And what is the final result of all of this careful husbanding of the lame, lazy, halt, crippled, and retarded?

Stores that have been emptied of toilet paper, riots breaking out over asswipe, TP supplanting Bitcoin as crypto-currency. People lining up in surgical masks three hours before a store opens in the freezing cold of winter... just because a lot of Chinese got a bad flu.

The Overlord does not wish to minimize the risk of Coronavirus. It can be a nasty thing. Mrs. Overlord had it last year, and experience (and a lot of instruction from her doctors) have told me that if you have an underlying health problem, or you're just older than dirt, it can be quite deadly.

Most of you, however, are in no danger of dying, and the vast majority of you fall into a category I like to call "Big Fucking Pussy Who Can't Handle Being Sick".

If you need the truth about what we're facing, I recommend this site. It is updated every day at 3 p.m. and has excellent -- and accurate -- information.

So, go ahead, stockpile water and toilet paper in anticipation of going all Adolf in the Bunker, but allow me to make this observation:

From my recent experience in multiple stores and bulk outlets while the supply of bottled H2O (your taps will not stop working because of a virus, dumbass, and you can always boil or filter water before you drink it, if you had to) and Toilet Tissue are seemingly gone and will make your self-imposed exile somewhat easier, I take note that the shelves are absolutely lousy with the following items:

Toothpaste, Mouthwash, soap, deodorant, feminine hygiene products, diapers, baby formula, laundry detergent, dish washing detergent, air fresheners, vitamins.

Leading me to ask the question: who in their right minds would want to be locked up with you unhygienic, foul-smelling, dirty, filthy people for two weeks?

When this is all over, I would not be surprised to learn that this sudden rush for Mexican Tablecloths, Bum Wad, Bog Roll, Moon Squares, Poop Mittens, A Pakistani Shower, Poop Eraser, Mountain Money, Hole Roll, Sudanese Handkerchiefs, Ghetto Kleenex, Buttscrub, Downtown Julie Brown, Harlem Napkins, Alabama Neckties, what have you, is the result of one of the following:

1. A run by Doomsday preppers who have FINALLY run out of the overstock they bought in anticipation of Y2K. You know, the last time we were all gonna die.

2. Some dipshit televangelist who convinced the Goobers that Coronavirus is "the sign" that the Rapture is nigh, and that they may have to hunker down for a while until God gets around to them.

3. An internet prank pulled off by three drunken frat boys at Arizona State.

Toilet paper and Poland Spring will not protect you, you moron.

By the way, the same stores running out of Butt Floss and Vitamin Water are usually running sales on Nyquil, Tylenol, Advil, all sorts of cold and sinus meds and Pepto Bismol, which they apparently can't even give away and which would probably be much more useful if you do manage to get sick.

Now, a world pandemic is not all a downer, you know. It does have it's bright side, if you'll allow me.

For a start, I can now appreciate the fact that I live upon an island that can only be accessed by bridges with $19 tolls on them, I can rest assured that the great mass of brain-damaged humanity will balk at paying that exorbitant amount just to come here and infect me and because people are willing to pay black-market prices for a roll of Port Authority Bus Station Toilet Seats, they'll stay away.

I have a respiratory case in the house, as it is, and don't need visitors.

I already regard most people as a virus, in and of themselves.

As an aside, I take note that people who seem most freaked out are the same people who routinely bomb my social media feeds with anti-vaxxer propaganda.

Bet that flu shot looks mighty good right about now, huh? You loser.

It's a win-win as far as I'm concerned.

Another Silver Lining:

All the St. Patrick's Day parades will be cancelled. No more rancor over Gays marching with the Irish Catholics (not that I ever noticed much of a difference between them, mind you). No more streets running with green-tinted vomit and urine, no more ruining beer with food coloring. No more slovenly, drunken skanks cluttering up the bars. No more idiots dressed up like the little fuck on the Lucky Charms box. The Emergency Rooms can devote all their resources to fighting this virus, instead of having to take time out to stitch up some assholes who got into a broken-bottle fight. Fewer people killed by drunken their own driveways.

The Overlord, for one, does NOT love a parade, especially one that is represented by a pugnacious, inebriated midget with very poor fashion sense, and which is widely-regarded as an occasion to drink yourself into a coma and eat cheap, fatty cuts of beef boiled until all the flavor is taken out of it.

We have 364 other days a year when you can do that (and save all that tasty corned beef for people who know how to cook. The Irish do not), and the entire planet doesn't have to be decorated so as to resemble the lair of one of Batman's cartoon arch-enemies.

By the way, St. Patrick was an Englishman and his primary accomplishment was to destroy your Celtic heritage in favor of cultural obedience to Rome.

So go ahead, celebrate.

One last thing on my mind; Conspiracy Theories and Coronavirus.

It has been this would-be Galactic Dictator's experience that Conspiracy Theorists fall into two, narrow categories:

1. Mentally Ill people who barely have enough functioning braincells to maintain involuntary autonomic and motor functions.

2. Evil geniuses that hate themselves and everyone else on the planet who get a massive boner by yanking the chains of the first bunch, just to see them panic, cringe in fear, excessively worry, over-react and unknowingly spread disinformation far and wide.

I have heard and seen the most-ridiculous crap regarding this "pandemic" (more people will die of influenza, drown, have fatal heart attacks, expire from diabetes,  accidentally shoot themselves with a pneumatic nail gun, or burn their own houses down this year, Stupid).

Most involve "The Guvmint".

Apparently, there is a sliver of you waste of gametes out there that believe that Coronavirus is a government plot to (insert one) deprive us of our civil liberties/round up the undesirables/institute a dictatorship/begin World War III/make Big Pharma/Big Oil/Jooooo Bankers filthy rich -- like they aren't, already? -- institute the reign of the New World Order/make us slaves to the Federal Reserve Bank, or Freemasons, or Illuminati, or Pope, or Boy Scouts/get America to fight the whole world on behalf of Israel.

The "sluggish" and "disjointed" response by the government, the media hysteria and misinformation, is all proof that "they" want us all to be living in fear, so that we can be more-easily manipulated into acquiescing to their dastardly plan. It's all a giant cover op for what is coming.

Some of you are too fucking stupid to be left alive. You're more-dangerous than this virus (see previous remarks about degradation of the gene pool).

I understand: Real Life is scary. It's unpredictable, seemingly random, complicated beyond comprehension. I know, it gives you great comfort to believe that when all is apparently in chaos, when nothing seems to make sense, when the ENORMITY of events swamps the capacity of your tiny minds, it gives you solace to believe that someone is "in control" (because you're not), even if that "control" is destined to lead to a most-unpleasant outcome and the harvesting of your organs or alien anal probing, whichever you prefer.

This, incidentally, is the impetus for religious belief, as well.

It is reassuring to think that the people who intend to wipe their feet on us at least have "a plan". And it's also something of an exciting and romantic fantasy to believe that if "they" instituted "the Plan" that you would be the only person to see it coming and would be ready to resist, and, of course, triumph, because you "know the truth"...because some douchebag making YouTube videos in his Mommy's basement clued you in, and you've spent too much time masturbating to sci-fi novels.

Personally, I'd be more afraid if the government response was spot-on. If it were prepared, able, and efficient. If the quarantine areas (concentration camps and sooper-secret FEMA re-education camps, I mean) were all ready, fully stocked, and accepting refugees (I mean, "prisoners"). I'd be thinking something is wrong if at every turn, for every problem, "The Guvmint" had an answer, and worse, an answer that worked first-time-every-time, smoothly, economically, and...dare I say it?...according to "the Plan".

It never fails to make me laugh:

The same government that sends tax refunds and Social Security Checks to dead people, who can't build a website for under half-a-billion, that contracts everything out to the lowest bidder, that can't do anything unless a majority of 535 elected morons agrees, unless seventeen overlapping bureaucracies with opposing missions are involved, that can't find 16 million illegal immigrants in schools, hospitals and lining up outside Home Depot looking for day work, that spends massive amounts of money on the most-ridiculous nonsense and then doesn't keep any records worth having, that pays $16 for corn muffins and $400 for hammers, that doesn't exactly know how many people are on it's payroll, that still delivers messages in sealed envelopes door-to-door in an age of electronic messaging and bill collection, that is mostly a conglomerate of people just as stupid as you are who only have jobs because they passed a test with a 60, suddenly becomes ultra-efficient, deadly-effective, unerringly correct, well-informed, cohesive, organized, competent, and practical at exactly the moment it needs to...just to fuck with you and harsh your buzz.

And it does so in the service of great, big, invisible, unidentifiable Master Manipulators who are more figment of your imagination, the esoteric projection of your inner emotional turmoil, and the visible symbol of your screaming jackass. Boogeymen, all.

And why? Usually, for money or power?

Asshole, there are easier ways to make money than to start wars or release pathogens willy-nilly. For a start, both wars and pathogens are unpredictable, and if there's anything your Jooooo bankers and Wall Street are good at, it's managing risk... it's what they do. besides, they don't have to engage in secret and convoluted machinations in order to poison or trick you: you're already dumb. The effort to conceal their nefarious plot would be wasted on you.

And because you're an ignoramus, you willingly give power to any would-be-Fuhrer who will tell you want you want to hear. You even vote for them.

The proof that you're dumb? You believe this shit.

The best of all is when you ask these turdmunchers to present their evidence, they either react by spewing a mass of bullshit, inside-lingo clucking divorced from reality that only makes sense to other stupid people like them (liberals do this, too. Like when they insist on using politically-correct terms to define the parameters of a debate and to limit the ability of the other side to respond), or they insist they don't need no proof. Besides, it's not like "they" would leave evidence behind, is it?

Then how the fuck did you catch on, Skippy?

So that the lack of proof becomes evidence the conspiracy exists. This is a mental disorder: it's called Cognitive Dissonance.

To sum up:

* All the TP in the world will do you no good if you smell like a Syrian refugee after a six month voyage on a leaky fishing boat for lack of soap and toothpaste.

* Coronavirus ain't exactly NOTHING to worry about, but it is not an extinction-level event.

* There is no New World Order (it's a figure of speech) and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion is a known forgery.

* There should be no day to celebrate drunks.

* Stay away from me and Mrs. Overlord. But we wish you health, safety and peace of mind in this trying time.

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