You All Suck (Example #29, Holiday Edition)

"Censorship is telling a man he cannot have a steak just because a baby can't chew it." -- Mark Twain

Of all the disruptive influences in this world there are few more annoying than the Easily-Offended Person (EOP). Worst of all is the EOP armed with the nuclear weapons of congenital doofus, social sanction, a self-bestowed sense of superior morality,  the legal system, all backstopped by the chattering inanity of an unruly mob of even bigger congenital doofus EOP's at his back.

People like this ruin everything for everyone else. It's almost as if they live to ruin things for others in an effort to feel better about themselves. This sort of person sucks all the joy and vigor out of life, advancing the principle that equality, fairness, and egalitarianism cannot exist in a world of vibrant color and happiness for the individual, but only in an enervated, desiccated world painted a uniform institutional gray to be perceived by a Collective.

We can't all really be equally happy, this sort believes, unless we're all made equally miserable.

You see this phenomenon everywhere in everyday life: speech is censored lest someone use a word that makes someone else uncomfortable; truths cannot be told because someone's feelings might be hurt; accomplishments are only worth trumpeting when they are presented or viewed as the achievements of a collective group, in fact, "the right" collective.

Your joy is their agony -- the jokes you like are ______ -ist. The food you enjoy is either a deadly weapon, a cultural assault, or an unspeakable crime against the planet. Your effort to better yourself can only be judged against the un-effort of those who can't better themselves, and then your effort can only be judged as evil. "Fairness" is measured and considered as such depending upon who gets screwed in the process. We are not unique: we should all considered equally worthless (except for the truly worthless, who must be elevated at the expense of the worthy), we should strive to be equally inconsequential, because to be demonstrably consequential pisses in some EOP's Wheaties. We value Diversity when it hurts an "out" group, and celebrate conformity when it represents a triumph of collective thought over individualism.

These are people who fear -- and fear is the right word -- that a contented person anywhere in America is a deadly threat to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for everyone else. But especially for them. They fear this general sense of fulfillment for a variety of reasons, most of them stemming from a recognition of their own innate asshole. They are compensating for being rotten human beings by destroying all that makes life interesting, fun, serene, pleasurable because these are all things they can never be.

And above all, there is a sense of jealousy so palpable that it even overcomes their own useless fuckwit to the point where they begin to notice it, too, and this damages their fragile sense of self esteem.

This sort of person has already damaged, perhaps irreparably, our institutions so that "law" has come to mean little more than "temporary status"; "democracy" means the will of whatever minority manages to scream the loudest; "fairness" comes to denote glaring inconsistencies in the treatment of individuals based upon a long list of ever-changing demands and grievances; "politics" is less about the common good and compromise than it is the eternal warfare of ideological systems which have proven wholly ineffective and inefficient.

We all have seen examples in action:

The People O' Color who insist they not be judged by the color of their skin, who then suddenly demand to be judged by the color of their skin when something of personal value is at stake.

The Unsuccessful Person who thinks they can only get ahead by living off of someone else's success, who insists the Successful's success is really a by-product of the Unsuccessful's Un-Success, which entitles the Unsuccessful to usurp the fruits of the Successful's labor.

The Mental patient who believes that Objective Reality is not the same for everyone, especially themselves, who cries they feel less-than-human if "everyone" does not share in their delusions of Subjective Reality.

The point is that these people are relatively useless. Like fleas are to a dog. They serve no productive function, they bring no spice to life; they are typically uninteresting and not very bright, substituting disruption and shock value for exceptionalism; they live in a world of gloom and doom where nothing good ever happens, and if it does, the good is somehow always to their detriment and represents millions of people dying unnecessarily, discrimination, subjugation, and a return to barbarism. They exist solely to exude a cloud of noxious spite and malice by which they hope to demoralize and profit. They can only climb by pulling others down. They are scavengers upon the landscape, like buzzards circling above roadkill.

They look for things to be offended by, circumstances over which to raise a stink, ideas and products which can be latched onto as the New Impetus of a Negative Crusade.

And the Holiday Season is a target-rich environment.

Primarily because in today's world where the unremarkable, the losers, those who got the short end of the intelligence, gender, and cultural sticks, have proliferated like never before, and who have acquired the biggest megaphones of all, anything that can even tangentially be linked to White European Male Dominance is something that must be destroyed.

So, a delightfully-playful song like "Baby, It's Cold Outside" becomes a date rape set to a musical score in the minds of the Modern Feminist, who is usually so unattractive -- inside and out -- that no Man in his right mind considers them worth slipping them a roofie and taking advantage of them. This sort of woman is so frustrated at her own unattractiveness and inability to generate desire int he opposite sex that any example of a woman inspiring such a desire can only be a potential rape victim.

"Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer" is a minority -- excuse me, we're supposed to say "marginalized person", nowadays -- who is relentlessly bullied by the other reindeer, barred from their clubs ("reindeer games"), made to feel inadequate, and left un-celebrated by what makes him unique -- i.e. his red nose -- which is funny, because in the end he IS celebrated for his red nose. If ever there was a tale of a successful Diversity Program, this is it, but the outcome is rendered (reindeered?) moot because of the differently-abled and racist adversity Rudolf must needlessly suffer, all in the name of a fat white guy who lives for breaking-and-entering (and no jail time, because white guy) in order to redistribute the products of a Dark, Satanic Toy Mill staffed by slaves (elves), who likewise, happen to be white.All of which means that the African-American experience -- and the opportunity to flagellate America for it's slave-owning past once again -- is never mentioned or acknowledged.

(Because they're reindeer, and reindeer are only native to places inhabited by White Men, we are to assume they're (reindeer) all representatives of "whiteness", at least in outlook and cultural attitudes).

"Frosty The Snowman" is the epitome of toxic white maleness. A naked white guy, running around in the very symbol of capitalist destructiveness (his top hat), smoking a pipe (encouraging children to take up an unhealthy habit, just like Joe Camel!). Frosty is locked in a life-and-death struggle with Professor Hinkle, the unsuccessful magician whose unsuccessful labor made Frosty who he is, for possession of the capitalist system (the magic top hat), that mimics the real-life struggles between the Haves and Have-nots in a way that would have given Marx a boner. And then Frosty eventually wins, the bastard! P.S. there's no People O' Color in this snow-white world either. So it's racist, to boot.

"A Christmas Story" revolves around the gun fetish of a little republican white boy in Flyover Country.

"A Charlie Brown Christmas" is overtly Christian and "marginalizes" other religions.

"It's a Wonderful Life" is a boring and poisonous miasma of bourgeois sentimentality, set around a town of people so white it's difficult to see where the snow ends and the people begin. It is an obnoxiously Christian film -- what, with the angels and stuff, and not a Jew, Muslim or Wiccan to be found -- and the White Guys do not suffer their just desserts: George does not commit suicide and rid the planet of his toxic white masculinity; the banker, even though he is thwarted, is not executed in the town square as an enemy of the Proletariat, and the Bailey's are the antithesis of the Modern Family, since there isn't a single-parent household, no queers, and no crack-addicted babies being raised by elderly aunts on welfare in a slum anywhere in this film. It's not "realistic" (It's a fucking movie, moron!) and does not represent modern values or conventions.

"Miracle on 34th Street" is a blatant falsehood meant to indoctrinate and brainwash little children into believing in a non-existent person (unlike brainwashing them into believing that gender is fluid and a matter of choice, so that the end product is also a non-existent person?), so that they will become the unwitting slaves of the Mass Consumerism complex (since Santa works for a department store), and the real hero -- the State which wants to place Santa in a mental institution -- is frustrated in this civic necessity by a lawyer driven by an almost-religious zeal to prove himself to a woman and little girl (i.e. he's a sexually-frustrated, religiously-bigoted republican).

"White Christmas"? Self-explanatory. Christmas is being claimed by the Eurocentric, and the title implies that no other people can ever have Christmas. The very words are a affirmation and justification of White Supremacy. The movie of the same name concerns the threatened foreclosure of a Vermont ski lodge (evil capitalism), run by a former general (military-industrial complex), who is only saved by the intervention of his former soldiers (the High enjoying the status-quo maintained by the labor of the Low), in a winter season in which the possibility of snow seems remote (because Global Warming).

"How the Grinch Stole Christmas". The marginalized (there's that word again) outsider seeks his just revenge against his racist and elitist oppressors by stealing -- wait, did we say steal? We meant "redistributing" all that ill-gotten wealth to himself . The Grinch is really an anti-hero: he's a People o' Color, justly angry and entitled, who simply gets some of his own back. He's a virtuous Social Justice Warrior, not a thief and a grouch. Probably because his personality and actions resemble those of the people who champion him, and they live in denial. In the end, the Grinch is overcome by feelings of guilt and remorse, but mostly hopelessness, when he discovers the Whos are not in the least concerned by his act of righteous appropriation. The Grinch is further demeaned by having to accept the hospitality and forgiveness of the inferior, white-bread Whos, and is finally beaten into conformity which breaks the rules of Diversity, as the conformity of thought and deed does not benefit him materially or socially while putting the Whos in their proper place of submission. The Grinch is forced to reject his Grinchiness in order to partake of the benefits of a greater society, which mirrors beautifully the travails of the real-life marginalized who are forced to abandon their Diversity for the sake of acting white in order to have any place in society, at all.

I could go on, but you get the gist. Anything that gives joy must be demolished so as to show how un-joyful it all really is.

If it were up to me, we'd batter all these killjoys to death with a claw hammer. They drag all of their negative personal feelings, ridiculous political points-of-view, metal illnesses, all of the axes they have to grind with the greater society who hasn't recognized their self-bestowed superiority, into everything and encase it in a thick, crusty layer of bullshit, as if they had some reverse Midas Touch.

It's all about demoralization, about sapping morale, about ruining something for the sake of ruining it, because if they can't "win" (and in every sense of the word, they can only "win" by making sure everyone else loses) they can at least make you feel bad about being a winner. Because everyone deserves a trophy, even the failures.

By the way, playing the game by their rules -- the yearly cry about "silencing" Christians, and the ruination of the American Culture -- is senseless. You won't change their minds, and you only ever manage to come off as ridiculously sensitive and pompous as they do, so don't bother. They don't care; so far as the EOP is concerned, this is all a one-way street, a battle of feelz in which you are already assumed to have none, your motives are all instruments of oppression, and they have already assumed the moral high ground. Don't give them the satisfaction, nor should you ever descend to their level.

And so, here we are, in a Season that is supposed to be about giving and all they can manage to do is take away your fun and personal happiness. Don't let the EOP's do it. The best revenge is to ignore them and go about your life as you see fit. Ignoring them drives them batshit, which, if you ask me, is just one more joyous benefit of the Christmas Season.