Monday, May 1, 2017

You All Suck (Exhibit #3; Deer Hunting, Sterilization and The Welfare State)

Apropos of yesterday's diatribe advocating forced sterilization as a means of saving the Galaxy from the curse of progressively-dumber people, I remembered this morning that there IS a forced sterilization program in New York City...

Just not for people.

Before I get to the heart of the matter, a quick word, or seventeen hundred, on where I live.

This is Staten Island, New York, chief city of Airstrip One...oh, sorry, my mind was drifting. I'll start again.

This is Staten Island, the fifth -- and forgotten -- borough of New York City. It is a semi-suburban section, what the real estate douchebags call "a bedroom community" of the city, which consists of a 12-mile-long-by-7-mile-wide island, about 30% of it protected wetlands and forest. The other 70% consists, roughly, of over-priced cookie-cutter cardboard townhouses reminiscent of something Barbie might dream in, a few tony enclaves of the very wealthy, three golf courses, numerous cemeteries, with something on the order of 500,000 people -- all of whom seem to own at least two cars they never learned to drive correctly -- crammed onto it.

It is largely populated by Mated Pairs of Douchebags, most of whom have "city" jobs with the civil service, who breed irresponsible and brain-damaged children -- a good many who are wasting their parent's money in Catholic schools -- who are the stereotypical archetype of the Outer-Borough New Yorker: Sopranos-style-wanna-be's in Wife Beaters or Velour Track suits which don't hide the belly bulge, steroid-addled weight-lifters who can pronounce the name of every barely-legal chemical supplement but not read the Sunday comics, and slatternly, nasal, whining bitches with overdrive menstrual cycles, big hair, and make-up slathered on with a Spackle trowel , all living in semi-detached townhouses that went up in three weeks, with showcase kitchens no one uses for fear of fucking up their expensively-and-perfectly-manicured nails.

Even some of the men.

But for all of that, I do have to say, they are GOOD people, on the whole.  They mean well. They're friendly and they do tend to look after one another. There's a few assholes, but every population has those.

Access to this paradise is obtained by utilizing one of four major bridges. The Verrazano-Narrows Bridge spans the Narrows of lower New York Harbor (Complete with a $17 toll), and connects the island to Brooklyn (history on Staten island is divided into two eras: Before the Bridge and After The Bridge, which has been blamed by the Old Guard for all of the modern problems this once-idyllic seaside resort town now has. According to the Ur Islanders, I am what's known as "A Guinea over the Gangplank", reference to the flood of Italians who fled Brooklyn circa 1965-@1985 to take advantage of a favorable real estate market and own a house of their own for the first time).

The other three bridges (Goethals Bridge, Outerbridge Crossing, and the Bayonne Bridge) connect the island to America's Toxic Waste Dump, the state of New Jersey. It is New Jersey which is the cause of the problem I'm about to address, but more on this later.

The island is surrounded, as you might have divined, by water: the Narrows at the entrance to New York Harbor separate us from Brooklyn and Long Island (the second-worst place in America), the Upper Bay separates us from Manhattan (runner-up for third-worst place in America), and two narrow waterways, charmingly named by the Dutch settlers who came here @1620 - the Arthur Kill, and the Kill Van Kull -- separate us from New Jersey (but not enough).

Back in the 1980's, Staten Islanders, sick of being ignored by politicians in New York City, and by extension, in Albany, began a movement which resulted in a bill in the New York Assembly which would have allowed Staten Island to secede from New York City, becoming again what it once was: an independent city in it's own right. It would be the third or fourth largest city in the state. The bill was actually approved in a referendum, and then languished in the New York State Assembly, where now-disgraced Assembly Leader Sheldon Silver never brought it up for an Assembly vote in a move that presaged the shenanigans of Harry Reid.

So far as I know, that bill is STILL -- 20 years later -- waiting for the full assembly to vote on it.

It might be time to dust it off.

Which brings us back to the beginning, sort of, of this screed. Forced sterilization.

See, one of the disadvantages to living in such close proximity to both Manhattan and New Jersey means that we're usually the victims of someone else's stupidity. Strike "usually" and make that "always".

In this case, the stupidity has to do with three liberal (small 'l' intentional) bugaboos which are probably more responsible for the troubles this country faces than all others combined. These are: Guns, "The Environment", and the so-called curse of "Urban Sprawl". And it all started in New Jersey, a rather strange place where stupid seems to grow on plantations, and where mediocrity is considered a major achievement (see: Bruce Springsteen, a third-rate, wanna-be Bob Dylan from the ass end of New Jersey that should have been condemned during the Great Depression. See also: Jon Bon Jovi, poster-boy for the idea that looks can compensate for a lack of talent. I'd say give it back to the Indians, but I doubt they'd want it now).

Several decades of Hunting Bans in New Jersey have led to an explosion in the wildlife population. At various times, New Jersey has banned hunts of black bear, bobcats, and especially white-tailed deer. Why? Because democrats don't like guns, they don't like hunters, and they like things that breed uncontrollably, add little to no value to existence, pay no taxes, and destroy the natural beauty of the American Landscape, like "Inner City Youths", "The Working Poor" (you mean part-timers who collect welfare, right?), and in this case, Wild Animals.

Because Wild Animals are cute. Have you never seen Nat Geo, Mutual of Omaha, or a Disney film? This is usually where liberals (small 'l' intentional) get their ideas about wildlife. Learning the truth about wildlife would mean having to leave their cellphone charger behind, and going to places where you can't get chilled Chablis and Ethnic Salads, and so they don't go to those places, and therefore, remain largely ignorant of the subject they're speaking about.

Which never stopped a liberal (small 'l' intentional) from assuming an expertise in a subject they have no clue on, anyway.

Anyhow, a consequence of these hunting bans goes something like this:

You can't kill the predators -- black bears and cats, and to a lesser extent coyote (who have also been showing up in these parts). The predators, once the hunted, rebound in numbers, putting pressure on the other non-hunted herd animals.

Because you once could kill the predators (now, you can do so only by special permission of the State), the herd animals spent less time dodging death, and more time screwing. Now that the predators are back, the herds have to find new territory as a matter of safety; also, the larger herds tend to eat out their "native" habitat rather quickly, and the herds must move on to find new forage.

"Protecting" areas of wilderness by forestalling development or slapping the label of "preserve" upon them, means these herd animals are breeding at ever higher-rates, and they have plenty of room to do so, and plenty to eat. Additionally, circumstances that would have killed some of these herd animals off through disease -- like tick and mosquito control programs that aim to prevent the spread of certain diseases (think: Lyme's Disease, Zika) that typically infect liberals (small 'l' intentional) who move "closer to Nature", apparently in order to have the government spend enormous sums to keep Nature at bay -- exacerbates the problem.

(One would think humans, having invented the "Urban Housing Project", a sort of Biodome of it's own,  would be quite familiar with the consequences of useless organisms being allowed to freely breed, given free housing and food, and left unmolested by forces that would otherwise keep their populations in check or effect herd behavior, i.e. unpoliced).

Naturally, the deer population exploded. Like H-Bomb levels of explosion, and during the last decade it was not uncommon to find deer roaming the streets of places like Newark, Elizabeth, and Kearny, all heavily-urban and industrialized places that aren't exactly deer Disneyland.

And so the deer, much like my Italian Forebears, fled the Urban Hellholes of New Jersey for the greener pastures of Staten Island, where misguided "preservation" regimes had turned a semi-urban community into a Heaven for Bambi.

Starting in the 1970's, reforestation and preservation of existing wood- and wetlands became a priority for the City, culminating in Mayor Michael Bloomdouche...erm...Bloomberg's...much- vaunted, very expensive, and ultimately-useless-and-wasteful, "Million Trees Initiative" which envisioned the planting of 1 million new trees in New York City to improve air quality, mostly for the benefit of our "Native" wildlife -- that is, the Recipient Class with Poor Genes and Inbred Upper-Middle-Class Manhattanites, who suffer higher rates of asthma (the facts they live in roach-infested public housing and eat paint chips, or that Ivy Leaguers encouraged to breed with Other Ivy Leaguers leads to a weaker gene pool going totally ignored), and respiratory disease (smoking menthols and crack, or jogging through bus exhaust at all hours of the day will do that to you), than any other population this side of Sub-Saharan Africa.

All this reforestation and protection denied developers the ability to build even more cookie-cutter McMansions here, forestalling another episode of Urban Sprawl, and instead creating the even-greater hell of "Urban Sardine-Can Living".

Staten Island, which had been de-forested by the British Army during the American Revolution (it was the headquarters for the Army occupying New York City), was also devoid of deer (hunted to extinction by same British Army), suddenly became the Club Med for New Jersey's unchecked deer population; if they didn't walk across one of the three spans -- unmolested because State law says the DEP has to be called to get them off a bridge, which means they're gone before DEP arrives -- that connects the island to New Jersey, they simply swam across the Arthur Kill.

Beginning in roughly 2008, the Island government began to realize they had a deer problem. They (deer) kept getting hit on the expressways that cross the island, and they quickly began eating through all the re-forested "preservation" areas, and destroying all the money that went into planting those "million trees", and because the "preservation" areas are "preserves", and you can't hunt without a license, and there is a revulsion towards hunting and guns in this city that is usually reserved for the Holocaust, "a few deer" very rapidly became "many deer".

So that today's deer population on Staten Island is estimated to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,000, That's 2,000 animals, left to breed and eat to their heart's content, left unmolested by hunters or predators, on a 12-7-mile-island crisscrossed by multi-lane expressways and narrow secondary roads that cut through "nature preserves", to live side-by-side with 500,000 people who couldn't live without a car and who exist within a standard 80' x 60' lot crammed with swimming pools, vegetable gardens, manicured landscaping (because everyone has a landscaper here), and plenty of places for deer to hide, fuck, and give birth.

Because hunting and guns would be a big no-no (sometimes, private homes abut the wooded areas, and no self-respecting liberal (small 'l' intentional) would let something, anything, be shot, even if it were guilty of a triple rape-homicide), "The City" has tried a most-unusual, and predictably-worthless, solution to this growing problem.

It allocated $3 million to a program to capture the bucks, cut their balls off, and return them to "the Wild" between expressways. Yes, you read that right. I'll let that sink in for a second.

Naturally, this has not worked, and mostly for the reasons rational people would have predicted: You can't capture enough bucks, and you're not doing anything about keeping NEW bucks off the island during mating season. They can smell a doe in heat even on the other side of the Arthur Kill, you know, and they just keep swimming across.

And to add fun to this farce, it turns out the bucks they have neutered either later die as a result of the operation, or forget they haven't any balls left, go into rut, anyway, and get slaughtered by new bucks that still have their testicles, and thus, an advantage, over their more-effeminate competition, And, of course, they forgot to factor in that if you remove competition for mating, fewer bucks can impregnate MORE does than usual.

It has gotten to the point where the deer have almost become domesticated because they've had roughly 10 years to live side-by-side with people, who are often stupid enough to feed them. In some cases, small packs of deer will -- literally -- walk up to people expecting to be hand. They not only have no fear of people, they expect to get free food, in the bargain.

Now, if you're not a complete retard, you have figured out the real purpose of this dissertation, which is a metaphor, of sorts, of the liberal (small 'l' intentional) goal of Mindless Utopia, and how it fails, because the priorities are upside down and suffer from a severe lack of a thorough, linear thought process (because the feminine streak that pervades Leftist thought prevents a linear thought process).

You can apply the lessons of Staten island's Deer Herd to every liberal (small 'l' intentional) pet cause of the last 60 years:

1. An unwanted population has been allowed to invade an urban area (illegal immigration). The new arrivals have made themselves at home, and are living off the fat of the land (forests and wetlands restored at great public expense), destroying property (fences, causing accidents, defecating in the streets) and reducing the quality of life for the taxpayer. You can't get rid of them for fear of being called names, and certain segments of society (the dumber ones) have adopted them in a paternalist style reminiscent of how democratic politicians claim to the Champions of the Poor, who, in large part, they made poor and keep poor. People are treating the deer like favored pets.

2. A system of free birth control, provided at taxpayer expense, has failed to arrest the growth in population. In fact, it has had the opposite effect, encouraging more unwanted deer to cross over, with fewer bucks impregnating more does (setting up the semi-hysterical mental image of an Inner City Ungulate Baby Daddy standing before Judge Judy explaining why he can't support his 17 offspring by 12 females, all of whom are on some form of metaphorical Public Assistance).

3. Somehow, guns and hunters are the problem here, and not the stupid manner in which public officials (all of whom should have been sterilized, instead) have handled this problem. The fact of the matter is, you don't even need a gun to hunt this herd, for they have become so used to people that they don't even run away. You could hunt them with a baseball bat. Somehow, hunting nuisance creatures is considered "anti-environmental" and "inhumane" (umm, they're not people, right?) while allowing unchecked birth rates in a crowded space full of motor vehicles within artificial forests with finite resources (Housing projects) is somehow a good thing for Nature.

4. We're not allowed to hunt the deer. Some do, anyway. Recently, dead deer with gunshot wounds started showing up in some of the more remote neighborhoods. A manhunt is currently underway for the perpetrator(s), and you would think from the attention being paid to a few dead deer that it was the Summer of Sam all over again. Again, priorities are upside down and inside out; the reason for the manhunt isn't that someone killed a deer or two, it's that someone obviously has a gun, and used it without permission from the government (Gun Control, demonization of the Second Amendment, the Power of the State versus the Initiative of the Individual).

Imagine how much more benefit would accrue to society if that $3 million went to sterilize every inmate on Riker's Island, instead of sterilizing deer on Staten Island?

Yeah, I went there. Fucking deal.

I'm sure if the deer were all registered republicans they would have been slaughtered on sight by city and state government in a heartbeat. But deer don't vote liberal (small 'l' intentional) and Welfare Recipients do.

But, to judge from how well the same city and state government have handled both this issue and the Wild Turkey problem around here, I hold out no hope for even the slightest bit of sanity.

Author's Note: Corrected some spelling errors.

"You All Suck" is a Featured essay which highlights the incredible stupidity of the Human Race. Stay tuned for future installments.


Paul V. Rotondi said...

Bravo, my friend...Absolutely spot-on. Can't say it any better than that.

Paul V. Rotondi said...

Can't say it any better than that, my friend. Bravissimo.

Anonymous said...

Soooo, learn how to use a bow and arrow. Fresh venison is very tasty.

Matthew Noto said...

Update: the local newspaper actually ran this today. Someone's been arrested for "poaching":