You All Suck (Exhibit #10 - Stupid, They Name is Religion)

As a blogger of many years and (very) middling following, experience has taught me that there are really only a few subjects you can write about that will get you an overwhelming response, that, all things considered, you probably don't want.
While I freely admit that I do this for attention (don't all writers write for attention?), there are times when the attention you get is probably not worth the effort because you find yourself at loggerheads with complete idiots.

It's a time suck. Especially when you love to argue (as I do) and happen to be very damned good at it.

The short list of Things You Can Write About That Bring the Doofuses Out of the Woodwork are:

* Making fun of a politically-favored group. Especially Blacks and Twats...I mean...females.

* Any defense of The Joooos (this response takes the form of either outright anti-Semitism, or vague anti-Semitism disguised as Rational Thought).

* Anything related to "the Greatest of All Time in (insert name of sport/tv show/book/movie here)".

* Explaining why Karl Marx and/or Ayn Rand were wrong to people who have poor reading comprehension skills, and probably couldn't find their own ass with both hands and a road map.

* Shitting on someone's religion.

And it is this last one that garners the most argument, and in particular, it's a certain type of religious respondent who is, perhaps, in-fucking-sane. This incredibly dense piece of virtue-signalling shit usually calls himself a Christian (it's usually a "he"; women tend to respond only when you hurt their feelz,  not so much run down their faith), is undoubtedly the absolute worst of the bunch.

The offending posts can be found here, here, and here.

Because the full-bore (and I DO mean BORE), double-barrel, fire-and-brimstone, don't-have-a-fucking-idea-in-my-fucking-empty-head-that-didn't-originate-in-Scripture, Bible-thumpin', inbred, found-Jesus-after-heroin-and-hookers-failed-to-fill-the-holes-in-my-psyche dipshit is perhaps one of the most retarded creatures on Earth (just behind Progressives,and running a very close third after Irish Setters).

Certainly, these folks mean well. They only wish to clarify some obscure point of doctrine they believe I've misunderstood or unfairly characterized, or they have taken up a personal Crusade to save my soul, or they see my rejection of Christian theology and doctrine as a "Cry for Help" and believe that if they answer it, they will get some sort of Brownie Point from Upstairs, and so get through the Pearly Gates that much quicker.

Like it's the express line at the supermarket, or something.

And while I get that their hearts may be in the right place, it's obvious their heads are firmly ensconced up inside their own asses.

This phenomenon is mainly reserved to those who profess a "strong" Christian faith, and often a little questioning will reveal the respondent is a member of a particularly douchy sect of Christianity, like a Seventh Day Adventist, any number of Born-Again sects, a few doctrinaire Catholics still living in the mental atmosphere of the Inquisition, and perhaps the most perfunctory of the lot, some form of cousin-banging, snake-handling Southern Baptist.

At least when you dump all over Islam all you get is a death threat and a surge in traffic from obviously-Islamic websites where the fatwa calling for your execution in the name of Peace has been thoughtfully posted (that's only half a joke). They at least go away after having their say.

Not so the brain-damaged Christian Antagonist.

Before I continue, I should describe this sort of person a bit, and how, I believe, they (don't) think. This is broad-brush stuff here, so spare me the "but-I'm-not-like-that" hairsplitting e-mails, please.

Basically, you're dealing with people who indulge in a fantasy. Mostly because Reality is too painful and confusing to accept. The Fantasy is that there's an Invisible Man in the Sky and that he has a Master Plan that none of us can understand and which he won't reveal, but if we just blindly trust in Him, everything will be alright. Sans evidence.

There's also a hint of a lack of personal responsibility inherent in this. They are depending upon God to do for them what they are unwilling, often unable, to do for themselves. Primarily, based upon past experience, this means either punishing people they don't like for one reason or another, or refusing to make choices or take action -- preferring to put things in "God's hands" --  and sometimes abrogating all responsible and reasonable behavior in favor of hope that prayer, fasting or repentance will fix whatever the fuck ails/annoys/vexes/confuses them.

They take the curious position of wanting to know the answers to all the questions of existence, and then asserting that Man can never know them, and so the best they can do is to make do with a collective brain fart with hymns.

Next, they all suffer from a form of cognitive dissonance. For those who don't know what this is, it basically is a mental disorder in which the person expresses belief in two contradictory ideas, and doesn't realize they cancel one another out. Typically, this sort of person often deploys the contradictory ideas as best suits his immediate needs, so that he may always be right and never be wrong. The fact that he does this also escapes his notice; it's a defense mechanism that is common in people who have no ideas of their own, or who desperately wish to be seen as smarter than they actually are. It is, therefore, a response to feelings of inferiority -- of intellect, position, or assertion. The person afflicted must be able to extricate himself from a logical fallacy -- which would bring feelings of inferiority -- by telling a deliberate lie.

For if the two ideas cancel one another out, then one must be obviously UNTRUE. Often, it's possible for BOTH to be untrue. Ironically, the feelings of inferiority which create the conditions for this affliction often cause the afflicted to assume a position of superiority. This is also part of the defense mechanism; they behave as if someone jammed a broomstick up their asses, and that they are better than anyone else for their membership in a club of like-minded fools.

Projection, projection, projection. If you disagree, then you're damned. If you fail to simply take their word for something, then you're someone's unwitting pawn. If you have the temerity to point out their logical contradictions or expose their own untenable position, then you are the Spawn of Satan. Whatever you do, the second you gain the upper hand in the argument, you become the worst person to ever live, accused of all sorts of deviant behavior, who will burn in Hell  -- which they will then graciously forgive you for, and pray for your soul, go figure -- and you just KNOW that the person who who has accused you of being a liar, a child molester, an abused child, pure evil, is, in fact, the evil, child-molesting liar who fears for his own soul and of being cast out of the community to burn in Hell for having succumbed to a momentary doubt you've placed inside their heads.

There's also a snotty, whiny, one might almost call it "menstrual" quality about this sort of idiot. He's easily triggered; he has no sense of humor; he is unable to grasp logic and reason; he seems driven by his emotions, in this case, devotion and faith, to the point of near insanity.

Sounds like a fucking feminist!

Finally, there's a Confirmation Bias. A deep one. And unfortunately, the Confirmation Bias comes in written form. It's called The Bible, and they refer to it constantly, sometimes erratically, often out of context, and always for no reason at all. Most seem to believe that if they can recite or recreate a passage they have won the argument, and that if they keep reciting and quoting then they have driven the Devil out of you. At this point, having run off 22 mostly-inappropriate and out-of-context verses to defend the indefensible, they do the internet version of the Christian mic drop and disappear.

With regards to this dependence upon the Bible and adherence to what it says  -- as we'll see later, the Bible both means what it says, and is something of an allegory not meant to be taken literally, or, alternately, is really a secret code which only a Divinity Student (or inbred Gator Hunter from the Deep Swamp) with a something like a Mental Batman Decoder Ring (brainwashing) can adequately decipher -- you can never be right, and you can never have an interpretation that differs from theirs.

Ten years of Catholic schools have made me incapable of understanding the TRUE meaning of Scripture, according to this dickweed (you have no idea how often other Christian sects will run down Catholicism and refer to me as "you poor thing". For people who are supposed to be non-judgmental, loving and turning the other cheek, they can be fucking assholes when it comes to sectarian rivalry). Anyway...where was I? Oh right...reliance on The Word.

It is said that when the Muslims conquered Alexandria, the Caliph was asked what to do with the fabled and fantastic Library contained there. The Caliph is supposed to have said (paraphrased):

"If what is in there agrees with the Koran, it is not needed; if what is in there denies the Koran, it is not wanted."

And many of these mental patients who find it necessary to hold vigil over my immortal soul would seem to think the same way.

Another annoying aspect: the conversation is ALWAYS the same. It's a circular firing squad, with the Christian taking the bullets and coming back for more, because, as I've said, he's a mental defective. He believes that by returning to be verbally and mentally pummeled again, that's he suffering some form of vicarious martyrdom (they all have a martyr complex, incidentally. It's part of the inferiority complex which also makes them the woebegotten "victims" of modern society, despite being 70% of the population, and some of the richest institutions in America). They also show an amazing ability to quickly change the subject, or insist that words have different meanings when they're losing.

In many ways, the rabid Christian, then, is much like the Modern progtard.

The argument usually goes something like this:

Christian: God is perfect. God is all-powerful and all-knowing. God does not make mistakes. He has a Plan, and it is Men who disobey God who prevent His will from being done.

Matt: You mean to tell me that Perfect God created Imperfect Man? And if God doesn't make mistakes, then Man thwarting his will must, logically, be His will.

C: Man disobeys God because God gave him Free Will.

M: But you just said that God had a plan, so giving Man Free Will to disobey Him was part of it, and furthermore, you said that God is all-powerful and all-knowing; so if he knows Man will disobey him, why doesn't he use his power to prevent it?

C: Evil was allowed to come into the world. It was Satan who mislead Man, not God.

M: Wait a second. If Evil came into the World, then God allowed it, and it must have been part of his plan, too. After all, didn't God create Satan?

C: Satan corrupted God's work.

M: So, you're saying that all-powerful God can have his master plan, despite all his all-knowing and all-powerfulness, upset by his creations who don't have that power?

C: No. God is all-powerful. Neither Man nor Satan can stand against him, nor know his ways, and when the time comes, he will fix everything.

M:  And yet Satan somehow managed to corrupt the work of something he can't stand up to. If Man cannot know his ways, then how can you be so sure?

C: The Bible says so.

M: The Bible  was written by Men.

C: Inspired by God. It is the literal word of God. It's here so that Man may know that God wants only good things for him, and wants Man to do good.

M: But doesn't the Bible say that God told man not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, and that when he did -- against God's wish --  he gained the knowledge of Good and Evil? How is Man supposed to know Good from Evil if God withheld the knowledge? You would think a God with a plan and vast powers over time, space and matter would have seen that one coming.

C: That's an allusion. The apple is allegorical and symbolic.

M: You just said it was the literal word of God.

C: Unless you've studied the Scriptures like I have, in Greek, Latin, Hebrew, Aramaic, Ferenghi, and Klingon, you would not know that "apple" is not meant not be an actual "apple", it's more like a pomegranate, and it did not contain the actual knowledge of Good and Evil; it is merely a literary device.

M: Like Pandora's Box? Or Promethueus' gift of fire?

C: That's pagan stuff. Not the Bible.

M: Those are allegorical, too.

C: But the Bible is literally the Word of God.

M: Full of symbolic and allegorical references which are not meant to be taken literally, you mean?

C: I never said that!

M: Yes you did. It's written down and has been saved in cyberspace. I could send it back to you, if you've forgotten what you've written?

C: You are an evil person, you know that? You're going to be sorry when Judgment Day comes and you discover you're wrong! But that's okay, Matt, I understand you come from a broken home, and weren't properly potty trained by your crack whore mother, and beaten within an inch of your life by your drunkard father,and probably took a lot of drugs to kill the pain. All you need is the healing light of Jesus. He'll heal your black soul.

M: Ummm...none of those things you just said about me ever happened.

C: It's okay, Matt, really. I understand. I will pray for you, that Jesus will come into your life and show you the Truth. Remember what the Book of Douchebags, Chapter 4, verse 15, says "Yea, as the flea is unto the oxen, so is the unpruned hedge unto the botanist; black in thy sight, Oh Lord!'. I know the truth, and you dwell in darkness! Neener-neener-neener.

I rest my case.


"You All Suck" is a Featured essay which highlights the incredible stupidity of the Human Race. Stay tuned for future installments.