The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Step

Or, in this case, picking up the journey where it left off.

I am your host, the would-be Emperor of The Galaxy, the artist-formerly-known-as-The-Lunatic, former overlord, Chief Inmate, and Keeper of the Straight Jackets of The Lunatic's Asylum. The Asylum will remain active (although I haven't posted regularly there for years) while I go about removing the choicest bits from it to save them for posterity. I learned how to express myself better in it's pages, and if one goes backwards in time over it's posts you'll see a steady improvement in technique, I think, as the years went on. A valuable learning tool.

Welcome to the initial offerings of My Planet, My Rules a new blogging endeavor in which I will attempt to continue the tradition of, and hard-won reputation for, biting, sarcastic, caustic, and perhaps even provocative commentary of a peculiar sort, but with a bit more flair, a certain higher level of sophistication, and yet with all the same four-letter words you've come to know, love and expect.

This is NOT for the faint of heart, for the easily triggered, for the fragile snowflake who goes into menstrual convulsions at the mere expression of a dangerous thought. I warn you: I eat fucktards like you for breakfast. If you want mollycoddling and lack of intelligence, I recommend you try democratic underground (lack of capitals intentional, for it is neither), or some other media outlet funded by George Soros or dedicated to the lowest common denominator that pours out pablum that defies psychological analysis, like HuffPo or Slate.

You will only find Common Sense here, delivered in a style that you can't handle. And by that, I mean honestly.

It seems fitting at this time that I take a moment to thank some folks who have helped me over the years to become a better writer, and a better blogger. Some 14 years ago, I began writing as a means of therapy, and it soon became obvious that I was pretty good at it, and could also perhaps even get paid for it, but I had little to no idea of how to present this talent to the world over this particular medium. So, let me take this opportunity to thank the important folks.

First of all, a big, sloppy kiss to the New York Times. Who knew that a tossed-off rant during a very trying time could lead to so many interesting opportunities? I'm certain that wasn't what you had in mind when you asked permission to link to my post and interviewed me for an associated piece (I think you wanted to expose me as an unfeeling doubleplus-ungood badthinker), but it turned out that people -- even the assholes who read the Times! -- actually liked what I had to say. Thank you for letting me troll you accidentally, and for expanding my audience, and all the tasty (if short-lived) writing jobs that came in afterward.

Next, I want to thank a true gentleman. Mr. Chap of the Insane Asylum Blog (recently departed? The Blog, not Mr. Chap). I enjoyed my sojourn as the-token-white-guy-writing-to-a-largely-black-audience, for it was informative, interesting, and it made me realize something I hadn't known before: black people like sarcasm and nasty even more than whites! You also expanded my audience, Sir, and I give you props.

The next "thank you" goes to Diogenes Sarcastica, of the Diogenes' Middle Finger blog. In a world where honesty and integrity are in short supply, you were a true professional and all-round swell girl when you discovered that one of your regular contributors (a so-called professional radio journalist, no less! And it wasn't the first time, either, was it a-certain-smokin'-hawt-CNN-personality?) was plagiarizing The Lunatic's Asylum and passing it off as his original work. You discovered the problem; you apologized; you made amends and made your own blog available to me as a weekly contributor for a time, and thus introduced me to an even greater reading public.

A sort of back-handed thank you goes to FreeRepublic. You taught me a very important lesson about political blogging, which is to say, that when it comes to expressing an unpopular point-of-view, even so-called, first-amendment-loving, fur-breasted conservatives can be great, big, girly assholes, just like liberals. I got to sharpen my writing skills in your forums, engaging in back-and-forth debate with some truly impressive intellects, except for the one who apparently thought comparing the parallels in personal lives of the Sainted Ronald Reagan and Rudolph Giuliani was cause for crucifixion and censorship. By the way, I've noticed that while my Freeper account has been allowed to remain active for these last 13 years, you never got around to un-revoking my posting privileges. So much for the free exchange of ideas, hypocrites! Yes, a FreeRepublic, indeed...

There's a few more sites I'd like to give props too, most of them now defunct. A common problem in an online world where tastes and habits change, and where often too many voices are chasing too few ears. I'd say"you know who you are", but frankly, I'm not even sure of who you were; you asked for content, some of you paid, I delivered, and the whole thing smacked faintly of some form of Internet prostitution. But the readers, man, the readers. They came, if not in droves, at least in...something.

A big shout-out to my friends (there's been a lot of you!), many of whom have been here from the very beginning. There's been constant encouragement, and sometimes even a slightly-embarrassing generosity of praise. I had lost interest in doing this for a long time, or had gotten too busy, or maybe just didn't give a fuck after a while, but you've broken my balls enough to start 'er up again.

So, when I inevitably offend two-thirds of the civilized world with this new-and-improved word vomit, I'm just telling the Thought Police it's all your fault.

And now, I will take my place as the True Ruler of the Galaxy. Bow before me.

Better yet, become followers and when I get the links up and running, like me and follow me on Facebook, dammit.