Liberals only hate money when other people have it.
It certainly did not take very long for former serial Douchebag of the Week Award Winner, former President Barack Hussein Obama, to return to his championship form. Why, one could almost be forgiven for thinking that, thankfully, out of office, Obama would retire quietly, perhaps taking up a new profession more in line with his talents.
You know, like scraping chewing gum off the bottom of movie theater seats, Men's Room Attendant (even Men in Dresses!) at Target, or perhaps selling peanuts at Wrigley Field.
But no. Some people just have all the luck, like when they get Nobel Peace Prizes for being (half-) black (and then start three more wars), or for landing tony book contracts when it's questionable as to whether such an inarticulate liar can even write (we know he can read whatever smart white men feed into his teleprompter, but I could train a chimp to do that. Oh, no! I just mentioned chimps and Obama in the same sentence. I must be racist!).
Besides, we all know it's Michelle who is the Ape in Heels.
But, I digress...
Mr. Obama this past week took $400k from Goldman-Sachs for a speech. I'm sure if they kicked in an extra $50k, he might have even read them a bedtime story.
Now, fierce capitalist that I am, I don't really begrudge Barry his chance to cash in on whatever commodity he may have, which, in this case, is being famous for being the biggest recipient of Affirmative Action in World History, because he certainly did not bring any tangible assets to the office he once held, and no one with three functioning braincells and a heartbeat is paying him for his intelligence.
Not even Wall Street.
No, they forked over the money because having a former President on good terms is good for business: he knows people; he knows how the system works; his personage carries with it a strange kind of sacredness because he was President, and even better (in the eyes of some) the first (half-) Black President. So now, if Goldman-Sachs should need something in future, say someone to call the anti-capitalist dogs off, they can write another check, Barry will give another speech, and he will use his considerable influence among the braindead to convince them that, no, Goldman-Sachs is not the rapacious, Ur-Capitalist bete noir of Communist Nightmares, but a respectful, thoughtful, community-minded, devoted-to-diversity corporate partner that deserves to be cut a break.
In other words, go protest against capitalism in front of J.P. Morgan-Chase's headquarters building.
They might write another check, after all.
So, Barry raking in some bucks while the iron is still hot doesn't bother me all that much as the simple hypocrisy of it all.
The Man who demonized Wall Street as greedy bankers who drove the economy into a ditch (along with the republican party), never had a problem taking Wall Street's campaign contributions, and now will have no trouble taking the pocket change they find in the Executive Lounge's sofas.
The Man who once said "at some point you've made enough money" as he saw his own net worth skyrocket (depending on who's figures you believe) some 400%, all the while scooping up phony book contracts (smart white guys will write those, too), can now look forward to a future of basically seeing it rain dollah-dollah while doing nothing productive to earn it.
The Man who said "you didn't build that" with regards to the entrepreneurial spirit this nation once possessed, is said to own three mansions (I'm betting he didn't build any of them), and just spent the last few months gallivanting around the globe with the likes of Richard Branson, I'm sure didn't have to pick up a check, or tip a bellhop, or even pay for his own hookers, during the entire experience. He apparently was not embarrassed in the least to be seen with someone who, I'm certain, "at some point made enough money" and who "didn't build" those tropical retreats.
No, Barry does not hate money. In fact, no self-professed liberal does. They just hate it when it belongs to someone not liberal.
Because the Rogues Gallery of the Democratic Party fairly drips with very wealthy people who wipe their asses with dollar bills on a regular basis.
Maxine Waters, perhaps the proof that Darwin was wrong, is a multi-millionaire, and it's arguable as to whether she's even human.
Nancy Pelosi, someone so stupid they had to define a new category below "moron" to describe her, is, likewise, a multi-millionaire.
John Kerry never met the wealthy widow of one his late friends he WOULDN'T marry.
Bernie Sanders, who claims to be neither a liberal nor a democrat, but rather a Socialist (which is a distinction without much difference, but nice try, Bern!), was cheated out of the democratic nomination, and somehow wound up with a third mansion of his own as consolation prize, this while asking the question that makes Capitalists quake in their calf-leather loafers: "Why do we need 27 brands of deodorant?"
Apparently, Bernie has never spent much time among his adoring zombie legions.
Bill "I never met a skank I wouldn't pork", and Hillary "We Have to Take Things Away from You For Our Own Good" Clinton turned lying, cheating, perjury, e-mail deleting, influence peddling, not-responding-to-terrorist-attacks and losing two elections in a row into a reported $150-200 million gig, all the while standing as champions of the "underprivileged" and "disadvantaged" from their 8-bedroom, 10-bathroom corrugated tin shack in Chappaqua.
So, no, liberals, even fake ones, LOVE money when they have or can get it. Especially when they can get it from someone much like them: unprincipled liars paying lip-service to idealized dreams of Kumbaya, wherein everyone gets a Purple Unicorn that pees lemonade, shits Skittles, farts rainbows, sneezes glitter and vomits cotton candy --with free college and liver transplants -- just as soon as those evil capitalists and stinky rich people (originally, Stalin called them "Hoarders and Wreckers", Obama came close with "racists and obstructionists") could be dispossessed.
Of course, their thinking never takes them as far as to answer the question: if you destroy the Producers, what's left to Redistribute? Because that leads to a second question that exposes the other primary flaw in Marx's theories: in a technologically-advanced, computer-controlled, automated world of extreme specialization of labor, what does it mean for 'the proletariat to control the means of production' when the proletariat can't fathom how they work?
But, let's get back to Barry.
It's not that Barry, Hilly and Billy, and Bernie, et. al. are the first class of American Bullshitters who hypocritically preached a doctrine of "do as I say, not as I do", complete with flowery language and empty gestures that concealed their ulterior motives. Far from it. What makes them such egregious examples of a Lower Form of Life is that, until recently, the level of Dumbass in America had not reached Critical Mass so as to allow such transparently predatory personages to rise to power.
It was not until the late 20th Century that America had managed to lift production and spread wealth to unparalleled heights that it became impossible not to (re-) distribute them. One of the most glaring problems in Capitalism (the other being an inability to deal with Mass Unemployment) is that machine production produces faster than goods can be sold, and creates both redundancy and obsolescence with regularity. Faced with a choice between making things and giving them away (under the auspices of government), or of making things and seeing them go to waste, Americans got the idea that it was better to give them away, and the best instrument to accomplish this was government.
And so you have the astounding phenomenon in which people who do no productive work live a lifestyle -- provided through government -- that would have made a Rockefeller or a Vanderbilt enraged with envy. Compared to the people of 100 years ago, the average lump of shit receiving "public assistance" has a place to live (paid for either in part or wholly by government, at some level), is fed by Food Stamps, has access to clean, running water and indoor plumbing even in the worst of ghettos, primary education is supported by the taxpayer, the Emergency Room is open to anyone who needs treatment (unless ObamaCare, still unrepealed, accomplishes it's mission of destroying the health care system). They have access to public transportation, public parks and playgrounds, a myriad and bewildering array of "government services" (mostly jobs programs for bureaucrats), they have the vote, equality under the law, and should they be one of the 2 or 3-percent of the population with an IQ in excess of Room Temperature, scholarship opportunities up the ying-yang.
Fuck, they give scholarships to people who can dunk basketballs and run fast, but not read.
We have created a special class of people -- a sort of Middle-Class-With-No-Class -- that is the dependent of government, and who thrive despite making no effort in their own self-interest -- except to vote themselves MORE.
And American business delivered so much and in such great quantities, that by the beginning of the 21st Century, there was more stuff to give away (re-distribute): cell phones, cars, mortgages, college loans to major in Navel Gazing and Synchronized Drooling, Health Insurance, hell, we even opened our public restrooms to people who can't decide what they are based on the presence or non-presence of the corresponding set of genitals.
We created a world where everything was available to everyone everywhere, in seemingly unlimited quantities, and after having run out of poor people to give shit away to, we decided to import millions more from the eight corners of the world where they haven't invented anything except more-exotic forms of diarrhea, and where Malnutrition and Genital Mutilation are the national sports. And we gave them so much shit that in order to keep the entire edifice from crashing down and descending into chaos, we've put ourselves into a $20 trillion debt.
No, $400k is no big deal, in and of itself; it's the principle of the thing that sticks in my craw.
Hence, Barry, Hilly, Billy, Bernie, Maxie, Nancy-poo, Johnny Boy, Lizzie "Lie-watha" Warren, Chuckie "Most-Dangerous-Place-in-The-World-is-Between-me-and-a-Camera" Schumer, who keep the scam going, and worse, fuel it from behind a kabuki smokescreen of "I care" and "that's racist/sexist/homophobic" and "soak the Rich!", while they both depend upon those "rich" to keep the system (and hence, their own rice bowl) going, and raking in the Rich's cash with both hands while claiming purity of soul and purpose.
The Dumbass reached Critical Mass.
No, I say to you that Barry is not a douchebag for taking someone's money to do basically nothing, because as the nominal leader of millions of people who have basically done the same thing for three or four generations, legally or no, he's only doing what he's encouraged others to do.
Rather, I say to you that Barry is the Nobel (for being half-black) Standard of Douchedom because although everyone knows his game, they feel powerless to call him on it. Whether it's irrational fear of being called a "racist" or the empty accusation that you "have no heart", or, as in the case of Goldman-Sachs, looking the other way gains you a measure of protection, social, political, economically, allowing Barry to play it is just "smart business".
No, what makes Barack Hussein Obama this week's Douchebag di tutti Douchebags is that just as he makes it painfully obvious that there IS a collusion between government and business, and that there is money changing hands in greater sums than ever, as "the Gap" between rich and poor (in strictly monetary, not moral, ethical terms or in terms of effort) that he railed against so violently grows, the people who scream the loudest about such things have suddenly gone deaf, dumb, and blind.
And they share in his hypocrisy by their silence, preferring instead to slander and attack The Other Side. Either attack both sides, and show some consistency, or shut the fuck up.
You would savage Donald Trump for doing something like this, and would crucify a Koch Brother, but one of your own? That's okay...after all, you expect them to be hypocrites and liars, and they rarely disappoint.
So long as the checks and the ObamaPhones keep coming, who gives a fuck, right?
As we've learned after 8 years of Obama, it's different when he does it.
So, I say to a former president who's only demonstrated talent during 8 years in office was taking vacations, the Great Orator who couldn't speak extemporaneously, the Policy Genius who could never explain the policies that had his name on them, who claimed to never know what was going on in his own government unless he read it in the newspapers -- a week after the fact -- the Man Who Made Jimmy Carter Look Like Pericles of Fucking Athens by comparison, that you, Sir, are a douche among douches. You have achieved the Pinnacle of Douchedom, far surpassing all others in this field of endeavor.
I hope that $400k is just enough to pay for the lawyers you might need to defend your worthless ass one day. I hope that $400k is sufficient to keep the lights on in the Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library (soon to be conveniently located in the 4th floor broom closet of one of those Ivy League colleges you attended, but for which we cannot see your grades) for a short time. I hope that $400k keeps your self-hating, cast-iron cunt of a wife in bananas and the self-pity-amidst-the-lap-of-luxury to which she has become accustomed long enough to stave off the divorce lawyers when the Obama Baby Mommas start showing up. At least until the next money-for-nothing speech comes along.
I'd give you the trophy that comes with this rare honor, but it appears as if you've been given far too much, already.
(Author's Note: Updates for a few spelling errors and grammatical boo-boos).
Douchebag of the Week is a weekly feature that highlights the worst in human nature and behavior.