Saturday, November 17, 2018

The Politics of Penis...When "Hell ,Yeah!" Still Means "No"...

"Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar..." -- Sigmund Freud.

It's a good thing we have "experts" in America.

"If you go in somebody's dorm room, and she touches you, and places your penis in her mouth that is not consent."

These idiots keep making that Patriarchy look ever-more like the best fucking idea EVAH!

I'm about to suggest that this "expert" in "college sex" doesn't get very much of her own (apparently we categorize sex nowadays by location, with the idea that where making the beast with two backs occurs is just as important as who is making it, under what Rules of Engagement, the particular arrangement/combination of genitals, and whether or not is counts as sex or rape depending on post-game analysis, social stigma or mental illness).

I'm going to make this simple for her (as always, it's a "her") and explain it all in a single sentence:

Honey, if my junk is tickling your tonsils, there wasn't a gun pointed at your head, there was no use of force, and in fact, you instigated fellatio -- because my zipper did not open of it's own accord, nor did my throbbing manhood invade the space between your incisors all by itself, or fall in there by complete accident -- then you are totally fucking committed and had best fasten your seat belt.

When confronted by an unwanted One-Eyed-Moisture-Seeking-Missile in full tracking mode, there are but five acceptable and appropriate responses:

1. Politely decline by saying "no, thank you."
2. Running away.
3. Screaming for help.
4. Reaching for the nearest weapon/sharp object.
5. Filing a police report.

Note that none of those include "going full Lewinski."

Should you find yourself enjoying a meal of 100%, Grade-A, USDA-approved, Grass-fed, Prime American Tubesteak, ambiguity flies right the fuck out the window, Ladies. There is no more affirmative signal of consent than a blowjob to a Man, and I can promise you that during this particular operation all thoughts of whether he's taking advantage of your enthusiasm, whether this situation amounts to an abuse of male privilege, what the power dynamics at work are, what the political and social implications might be, or anything he learned in the stupid and useless Gender Studies and Diversity classes he's been forced to take and pay for just to get a degree in Electrical Engineering do not enter into the equation.

The only way you could be sending a more-affirmative signal is to stop texting your girlfriends while you're at it.

Or by finishing with grace...which has something to do with ejaculate and your digestive system.

There is, after all, more than one way to score a perfect "10" without going to the Olympics.

Of course, this wouldn't be the Hell of Modern America if we weren't splitting (pubic) hairs about the circumstances surrounding sex. Why, just in my lifetime, the "rules" seem to have changed about 4,000 times.

We've gone from the hedonistic concept that sex , in all of it's forms, is a natural, beautiful experience to the feminist idea that sex is a liberating and empowering force to the Clintonian Dialectic that Oral Sex isn't really Sex, to the Millennial Dictum that sex is either a ("it depends") yucky experience that comes with all sorts of consequences to one's social status, or a useful tool ("it depends") to game The System for personal gain, to exact revenge, to evoke sympathy, to claim victimhood.

And if you wonder WHY there seems to be all sorts of confusion surrounding sex, why one brand is good and another bad, one socially-acceptable and another liable to be retroactively labelled as rape, you can blame the same force that has fucked up everything in History since The Creation:

The Female.

Females are often not very bright (yes, I know: you are. Spare me!). It's why they are underrepresented in the annals of Nobel Prize-winning scientists, it's why they haven't (thank whatever you hold holy, considering the results elsewhere) become President, to date, and why 99% of all the inventions that make modern life what it is do not have a female fingerprint on them. This is because females are generally fickle and indecisive, both a natural result of lack of linear thought process and the reliance upon feelings and group consensus to reach a decision. Assuming they make a decision to begin with, and then don't immediately regret it.

Just think of all the damage that has been done to society by the ambiguous attitude of the Modern Woman towards sex: the nuclear family is a relic; the Welfare State replaces the husband and father; our political discourse is divorced (divorce! Another consequence!) from good governance and policy and directed towards using gender and sex as a means of extracting extra-constitutional rights and someone else's money.

Do you know why your newspaper has yet another story of a teacher humping, texting, and flashing a 14 year old this week?

Because feminism has made women so frightened of Men and confused by the purpose of sex that they can no longer handle real Men; they cannot approach them intellectually or confidently; they find Men are not as easily manipulated by sex as they have been told (because if you're not putting out, your mother, sister and girlfriends probably are; Sex is low-hanging fruit, these days. It's why Tinder and such exist, Stupid); and can only feel good about themselves by exploiting someone more-pathetic and probably just as frightened and confused as they are.

Which raises an interesting question: If a 13-or 14-year old is incapable (legally) of giving consent, if you voluntarily smoked his Baloney Pony, isn't it implicit that you did?

Which brings us to another example of what I'm saying here. The other day, I came across this article, by a nose-picking doofus...sorry, I meant Millennial...that while Millennials are having less sex (gee, wonder why? Could it be the necessity of getting everything signed in triplicate, submitting a DNA sample and consulting with your attorney before you shag someone?), they at least have a better sense of humor.

If this is humor, then these youngins have more problems than they know.

Because Saturday Night Live ceased being funny 30 years ago. Like, before you were born. And it only got worse.

So, let's reiterate:

A good, old-fashioned case of fellatio that did not require physical force, an engraved invitation, and was initiated by a woman is absolute consent.

If you're going to be a Knob Slob, location does not matter: your dorm room, the men's room, the back seat of a car, church, on a public beach. The act is the important thing, not the setting.

Once you've begun lollygagging this constitutes a commitment in a Man's mind. There is no turning back. If you change your mind, do him a favor and say "No" long before he has to bust a nut, and then leave. Don't get all pissy afterwards when you're labeled a cocktease. You've earned that one, Sister.

If all of this confuses you or bothers you, go lesbian. Avoid the Boner Breakfast Buffet. Wear a sign, in fact, so that no one asks you.

A Miami Handshake is as good as any other; it is your bond.

An unsolicited Whistling Canadian is considered an invitation to everything else.

All of this need to redefine things like "consent", to place exacting specifications upon the sexual act, to regulate, to police, to litigate every detail of every encounter is a manifestation of your own internal turmoil, insecurity, stupidity and assent to social conventions you don't understand, but still blindly follow. Get help. Become an individual. Learn to think for yourself. Be more selective with the bestowal of your favors and you will suffer fewer regrets and find yourself in fewer embarrassing situations. Understand that Men don't think the same way you do, and can't be forced to, so stop listing to your professors and feminist "icons" and figure out how to communicate with the Male because other women can't teach you how. They don't know how.

Just not from the "expert" who wrote the original article. She doesn't know shit and probably gives a terrible Alabama Breathalyzer, herself.

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